Your marriage has gone from good to bad and coming to terms with that is hard because you don’t know what went wrong and you can’t pinpoint but you know that it is not what it used to be. It happens that sometimes some marriages go through rough patches and they get better, and it also happens that sometimes the rough patch serves as the catalyst for the decline in marriage.
For a marriage to go bad, it involves the consistent negative actions of a particular partner or both partners. These signs of a bad marriage that I have written out are what I have consistently seen over my years of experience with my clients as a marriage counselor, and are what you need to decipher the signs of a bad marriage.
What Does A Bad Marriage Look Like?
A bad marriage is a conglomeration of dishonesty, lies, lack of communication, bitterness, and frustration. This is what a bad marriage looks like and it reflects negatively on each partner.
10 Signs Of A Bad Marriage
These signs of an unhealthy marriage are what you need to realize that you might need to walk out of that marriage or work together to fix it.
1. You Don’t Communicate Anymore
What makes a relationship solid is communication. If you don’t communicate with your partner at all and all efforts at communication have failed, this means there is no way to communicate your grievances or express your opinions.
This is one of the very big signs of a bad marriage.
A marriage where there’s no communication is no marriage because it definitely means that both couples are being reduced to nothing less than housemates. The importance of communicating in marriage cannot be overemphasized because communication is one of the things that strengthens a marriage.
Communication is how you know that you and your partner are operating on the same frequency; so lack of communication is one of the signs that the marriage is over.
2. You Are No More Interested In S#x
Sometimes couples are not interested in s#x because they are going through a rough patch or some phases in their marriage and this can be as a result of burnout from work, moving places, having kids, and trying to catch up with the hustle and bustle. Nevertheless, when effort has been made to rekindle and improve the s#x life and it seems like nothing is happening, then it’s one of the signs of a bad marriage.
More so, when both partners are not even interested in having s#x with each other, it’s a sign of a bad marriage because it’s pretty clear that the marriage is headed for divorce.
S#x is an integral part of marriage and it’s one of the ways that physical and emotional intimacy is also sustained, so when this is no more in the picture then it means that the marriage is headed for the rocks.
3. You Are Beginning To Have Affairs
Definitely, if you are not having s#x with your partner in your marriage then it means you are getting it or you are planning on getting it outside.
One of the things that affect the s#x life in marriage is when a particular partner has an extramarital affair. The effect of the thrill and the novelty of having someone new can fatally destroy whatever is left of the marriage or deaden the desire to be with your partner.
The signs you are in a bad marriage is when partners are engaged in extramarital affairs because it definitely means that the man or the woman has no desire for his or her partner.
4. You Don’t Spend Time With Your Partner Anymore
Attention is a very integral part of marriage, one’s partner always desires it. Attention is one of the ways that couples are able to spend quality time together, communicate, and engage in amazing bonding activities such as; morning routines, late night routines, rainy day dates, and beach dates. It is a tool to bring couples closer and it indicates that both couples are still interested in each other.
If your partner does not spend time with you anymore, does not sit down to have a conversation with you and pay attention to what you are doing then that is one of the signs of an unhealthy marriage.
One way that we connect with people is through attention. When you find yourself not giving your partner the attention he needs or your partner isn’t giving you the attention you need, this is a sign that the marriage has gone bad.
5. You Don’t Fight Anymore
One of the ways that many couples come to an understanding is through conflict. The presence of conflict in marriage is not totally bad because it is double-edged: it can drive couples apart if both couples do not work on trashing whatever issues they have or it can bring couples closer with a common understanding between them.
In the early years of my marriage, I had lots of conflict with my husband but each one we had brought us closer and helped us appreciate each other better. What conflict does is that it brings couples to an understanding. The presence of conflict means that you’re able to express yourself and you know that your opinions matter, that is why you can express your grievances.
When you get to that point in marriage where your partner does or says something and you are not willing to talk about it or counter it, it is one of the clear signs of a bad marriage. This is because you do not feel heard, you are tired of talking, you feel that your opinion doesn’t matter and your partner does not prioritize you.
6. You Are Not Interested In Working It Out
When you get to that point in marriage where you are not even interested in working out your marriage and all you want is to leave the marriage, this is one of the signs of a bad marriage. Not being interested means that you don’t care anymore, and your mind and body is not there anymore.
The testament of a marriage being able to work is that both partners are interested. If you and your partner are not interested in working on the marriage then it is a sign that your marriage has gone bad.
7. You Pay More Attention To Work Or Social Media
One of the top signs of a bad marriage is that you channel the love and energy meant for your partner to your work, your kids, social media, friends, and your hobbies.
You don’t love your partner anymore, you don’t spend time with him, you don’t show affection and attention to him, that you direct your energy to every other thing. This is why most couples would spend late nights in the office working just to come back home and sleep.
So when you are overcompensating by spending so much time at work, with kids, with friends, on hobbies, and on social media then it is a sign that this journey you have pledged forever with your partner has gone awry.
8. Lack Of Interest In Your Partner’s Life
When you are not even interested in knowing what’s going on in your partner’s life, it is one of the signs of a bad marriage. At this point, you don’t care about his dreams, his aspirations, and his hobbies; no sitting down to catch up and know what is going on with him.
It can also be vice versa, when your man shows nonchalance about what you do, or your dreams then it shows that you are definitely in a bad marriage and could be one of the signs he is not into your anymore.
9. You Don’t See Your Partner In Your Future
When you first met, you must have said words like, “I can’t imagine life without him”. When you met your partner at first, you must have imagined your partner working down the aisle with you, you must have imagined your partner having babies with you, going the whole nine yards with you and the white picket fence.
So if you get to that point in your marriage where you are beginning to dream about the future and your partner is not even featuring in it, it means that you don’t even want to be with them in the nearest future. This is one of the bad marriage signs.
10. You Feel Unloved
If you feel unloved then it is one of the signs of a bad marriage. Over time you must have tried your best to do sweet things for your partner and expect to be treated the same way and your partner probably did not reciprocate.
If this is done consistently and you get to that point where you feel like you’re not loved, you are not respected, you are not heard and are not special, this is a sign of a bad marriage and it’s one of the signs that it is time to move on.
5 Ways To Fix A Bad Marriage
Before you take a walk, your partner might have shown some interest in working things out and for some reason you want to give it a last shot, these 5 tips will help you get that spark back into your marriage.
1. Acknowledge Your Faults
One of the things that you have to do if you truly want to fix your marriage is to acknowledge your fault. The truth is when a marriage goes bad there is no party that is completely innocent, each partner takes a share of the blame no matter how small.
It is important that both partners acknowledge their fault because it will help them muster the necessary remorse needed to fix the marriage.
2. Decide To Work On Them
The decision of both partners is key when fixing your marriage. If you decide to fix your marriage and your partner is not interested then you are pouring water on a stone. So a decision is key because when you make that decision, it makes it easier to stick with fixing the marriage even when it’s not looking like it and makes it easier to persevere.
3. Show Commitment
What contributed to the ruin of the marriage in the first place was lack of commitment, so showing lack of commitment while trying to fix your marriage does not scream interest in fixing the marriage.
One of the ways that you fix a marriage is to show commitment and that’s why you do whatever you both have agreed to do even if you feel like it or not. Showing commitment is one of the things that you have to do if you want to strengthen your marriage.
4. Start With Communication
The first step to fixing a marriage is communication. When you want to communicate, it’s very important that you take baby steps. You don’t have to talk about everything, you can communicate everything over time as long as you both are still together. Ensure that the channels of communication are not blocked and if they are, work on making sure that you reopen them albeit slowly.
Need conversation starters for couples? I have some amazing conversation starters to help you break the ice.
5. See A Professional
If your marriage has gotten to the point where you feel that there are a lot of things you cannot do on your own then you should talk to a therapist.
A therapist would help mend the bridge in communication, help you see what you don’t see, and help reveal underlying factors. A therapist would help you achieve the goal that you have in mind which is to fix your marriage.
Quick Summary: Signs Of Bad Marriage
These signs of a bad marriage, and signs of an unhappy marriage are too painful to be experienced and no one deserves to be subject to this. If you have been having difficulty analyzing your marriage in an honest light, this blog post will give you that objective approach that you need to properly assess your marriage and make a decision.
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