How to get the spark back in a broken relationship is something a lot of couples seek to know but do not know how to go about it.
Romance is the lifeblood of every thriving relationship and where it is missing, couples become roommates, flatmates or even neighbours who barely interact with each other but only talk about chores and needs.
Do you remember how it was in the beginning? You and your spouse were inseparable but now the reverse is the case, it’s a different ball game altogether, you are asking what on earth happened to love? Is this the same person I married or has there been an exchange?
How to put love back into a relationship is the question you should be asking now. It may seem difficult and involve a lot of work and fixing here and there but you can succeed in your quest of how to bring back the love of your boyfriend. We will be exploring some tips on how to get the spark back in a broken relationship.
It could be your marriage or even a relationship you have been involved in for some time now, It happens that where you seemed to be connected starts to show signs of a disconnect or you think your relationship has lost its lustre and you seem to see each other more as siblings that someone you were once crazy about and romantically involved with.
You are just hanging in there but the spark and passion are gone, worry not, being on this page is already a step in the right direction.
On the other hand, you think, if love is gone, what do I do next? Do I remain stuck in my relationship? Don’t forget like I always emphasize in my write-ups that love is a choice. What you are about to read may not heal your pain immediately but will help you understand why you feel love is gone and how to bring passion back into a relationship.
So many things could be responsible for the feeling of loss of love. It could be that your partner cheated or you just feel something missing or you seem to be in a stalemate with your partner.
According to Dr. John Gray’s Men, Women and Relationships; When partners do not respect and appreciate their complementary differences they lose their electricity, that connection, that chemistry that once held them together.
This means they are no longer turned on by each other. The attraction goes out of the window. This loss of attraction can happen in the following ways.
We either suppress our true inner self and feelings in an attempt to please our partner, or we try to mould or change them into our image or the image of an ideal mate that appeals to us. And when we do any of the above, we end up sabotaging the relationship.
Whenever you try to change your partner, it gives them the hint that they are not good enough, you are sending the signal that they don’t deserve to be loved for who they are and this could be responsible for the fall out of love you may be experiencing presently. Under these conditions love dies and we begin to endure our relationships.
Having established the basics above, let’s get down to the business of how to get your relationship back to the way it was all back in love with your partner.
How To Get The Spark Back In A Broken Relationship
1. Diagnose The Reason For The Fall Out Of Love
When we begin a relationship, everything feels new and the butterflies in the tummy make you feel like it will last forever. You are taken over by feelings of intense joy and passion, the feelings you encounter enthral and fill you with joy. However, over some time, you notice a downward turn in those feelings.
You are in the relationship yet the strong connection that pulls you two towards each other seems to have long gone. How to get your relationship back to sparks? It’s best to take a seat and reflect on what must have gone wrong.
Did your partner cheat and you have a hard time forgiving and letting go? Has time taken its toll on your romance? Have events beyond your control hampered your schedule and as such squeezed out every iota of strength in you leaving you fatigued and stressed out that you have no time to spend with the object of your affection.
Until the “why” is established, the “how-to” cannot be achieved, you need to understand where the loss of love is coming from, you may not be correct and may need to resort to assumptions eventually but establishing the fact that love is gone and why it left sets you up for solutions and what to do to get love back.
Having found out why there has been a fall out of love, there is utmost need to communicate. This is a very essential part of the reconnection process.
Your mate may be aware but may not want to bring it up for discussion, you try bringing it up and when you do, don’t go saying “you don’t care for me like you used to, you don’t love me anymore, I think someone else has your attention”. No, please.
Look for when your partner is at his or her best and bring it up. You could start by appreciating them for the efforts they are putting into making you both work and then say you have noticed some things which you want to draw their attention to.
Follow it up by asking how your partner feels, listen to them, lovingly and allow them to bare their minds, don’t try to interrupt while they speak. Engaging in a dialogue will help understand the situation of things and help strategize on how to get the spark back in a broken relationship.
Be honest when communicating, state your faults and where you think you may have let your mate down. Don’t judge your partner. Take correction and don’t try to be defensive when your faults are pointed out.
Remember the whole essence of this exercise is to fall back in love and not to see who scores the most points wins. Commit to communicate more often.
Develop more interest in the daily activities of your partner. Talk about their job, how their day went, check up on them when you are not together. Make it a point of duty and follow through consciously to integrate talking into your daily routine as a couple.
Small conversions can help foster opportunities to have deep conversations which will, in turn, help you bond and ignite love once again. Remember, what or whom you are interested in, you will create time for.
3. Engage The Tool Of Gratitude
Remember how crazy you were about each other when you just started the relationship, what were those traits you adored? What were those things that drew you to your mate? Be grateful for them. Mastering this tool will assist you with how to get the spark back in a broken relationship.
Despite our weaknesses, we all have areas of strengths and the truth about this is that there are traits about your partner that you cannot trade for anything in this world, there are things they do that no one else can do the way they do, there are accomplishments and things they have acquired that you are proud of, why not make it a habit to concentrate on those things and be grateful for them.
I agree that your partner may not have been too nice lately but you will bear with me that it goes both ways. Your partner may be feeling the same way about you too, so instead of playing the “tit for tat” game why not focus on the good and let the ugly go.
I’m not saying that you should excuse or tolerate bad behaviour just to get back in love, I’m only saying you shouldn’t let it drain you of your energy, bring it up to your spouse and don’t dwell on it and exert more energy on the sweet parts of your partner.
4. Learn To Meet In The Middle
Being able to compromise is vital in a relationship. You have been with your mate for some time now and you know how they react to things.
When it comes to decision making, they could be selfish at times and always want things to go their way of never ask for your opinion. They may also have hobbies you are least interested in and these could sometimes bring some tension and stress into your relationship. How do you manage this? Compromise, that’s the answer.
Some people in relationships already have preconceived answers for issues that are even yet to come up, others just stay stuck to their decisions and are not willing to shift grounds. when we do any of the above, we are sabotaging our relationships.
Your partner may be having needs that are beyond you or even request that you do things that are not convenient for you. You may even need to cancel an appointment or even reschedule sometimes.
We need to learn to make some little sacrifices and also understand our partner and know how to bring in our opinions without making them feel as if their opinions don’t count and even when they discard ours, we don’t need to stay offended.
Note that I used the word “stay offended” because we are humans and things would get to us sometimes but we need to move past it. Shifting grounds sometimes can be one of the ways on how to fix a broken marriage after separation.
You just look at them and say, I know you, we have been here before, I will let you have your way or why don’t we take a little from yours and a little from mine? That way, you both are happy and have moved past what would have brought some tension into your relationship.
5. Focus On The Positives
Perhaps you are thinking, I would be more loving if only my partner shows me more love or I would not have fallen out of love if my partner spends more time with me.
I would like to state here that your happiness should not depend on any situation you face.
That is why I emphasize in my writings that you have to be whole to have a successful relationship because if you are not, you may become needy and dependent on your partner your whole life for definition, acceptance and reassurance and in fairness to your partner, it may be a burden too big to bear.
Be free to choose how to react when situations arise. Happiness is a choice. Focusing on the brighter side of life will help you respond positively and impact the health of your relationship, it starts from the mind, what you focus on expands and increases.
Focus on the negatives and your energy is drained, you will not want to put in the effort to salvage what is left of your already waning relationship but focus on the positives and you will feel some power surge to work on it. This is a tested tip on how to get the spark back in a broken relationship.
6. Turn Up The Heat In Your Bedroom
This is one of the sure ways on how to get the spark back in a broken relationship. This is a part of some homes that have been largely overlooked.
Ladies forget that one of the basic needs of a man includes love making. Now that you are reigniting love with that special someone in your life, think about the bedroom and how to heat things there.
Studies have it that physical and intimate connection has effects on the general well-being of any relationship. Learn to communicate your sensual needs and help each other meet them. Romance is a great tool that fosters bonds between couples.
Remember you have been here before and to make it worth a try, you have to be innovative and bring in innovations beneath the sheets. Sometimes, you have to make love to get love back.
In the book, Becoming the woman of his dreams by Sharon Jaynes, she shares that the bedroom is a vital part of every marriage relationship and she gave some tips I will be sharing below.
Make the master bedroom the most beautiful room in the house. Her reason is that as couples you virtually spend most of your time here, the look in here could add some spark into romance. Avoid too many clusters, let it be airy and be inviting for rest.
Decorate and use candles too, like the look of your partner through candlelight could be inviting and sed#cing especially for women who don’t feel too good about their bodies.
She emphasized that the bedroom is for rest and romance and should be treated as such to make it inviting for both husband and wife.
- Play some soft music, wear alluring lingerie and nice perfume, bath together if possible too.
- Don’t restrict yourself to staying in the bedroom, you could take a night out together in a hotel too.
7. Be Generous To Your Mate And Create Some Ritual Together
Want to know more about how to get the spark back in a broken relationship? Note that, It is impossible to love without giving. It doesn’t have to be in monetary terms only. You could give your time, strength and even gifts. We cannot say you love your spouse and do nothing for them, it must be backed up action.
The little acts of love and kindness we show to our mate goes a long way and registers in their memory. This helps to foster bonding and could help you know when something goes wrong so you can quickly wade in and nip it in the bud before it goes out of hand.
Some rituals and little acts of kindness and support we give to our partners is a sure deal breaker on how to get the spark back in a broken relationship.
What simple rituals can you create together? Falling asleep in each other’s arms, squeezing them sometimes, reading a novel together, seeing a movie together, singing together or even doing house chores together.
Make your simple list and share it with your partner. Try and agree on what will work best for both of you.
8. Learn To Appreciate Your Partner
Appreciation could come in several ways from saying “I love you” and meaning it. Do you want to know how to check back into a relationship? Don’t internalise how you feel, express it.
Give them hugs, let them feel that connection to gaze into their eyes and touch them too. Go on dates too in the company of others and see where you left off. Revisit places you used to go in time past. All these are just ways to rekindle what you once had for each other.
9. Love Your Partner Even When You Don’t Feel Like It
Yes, you read correctly, I bet you are not going to feel all loved up always. Be intentional about loving your mate. Be conscious about it.
Try to do the opposite of what you feel, especially when you have been hurt. Still, call them by their pet names and keep being you. Why do I say this? Sometimes it is the little expressions of love that create room for bigger and deeper ones.
10. Forgive And Let Go
Forgiveness means not remaining bitter, angry or even holding back from your partner. This is one of the most important tips on how to get the spark back in a broken relationship. It means letting go of whatever happened and allow things to get back to normal or even better.
This is why communication is necessary as those little offensive acts not spoken out could build into resentment and change your whole view of your partner. Avoid any form of assumption.
When in doubt ask questions. Don’t forget this is a process that will keep occurring as you will keep stepping on each other’s toes as long as you are together. Whenever that happens, learn to fight fair and not dirty and grow past the hurt.
Final Words On How To Get The Spark Back In A Broken Relationship
That’s how to get the spark back in a broken relationship. All the steps highlighted above could seem like a chore but be rest assured that once love is the motive, you will be almost way done before you know it.
Feel free to add to the list as there’s nothing too much to do to get love back. Give yourself some time, allow your mate to make mistakes, try and cut out external pressure and work solely with your mate.
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