How to rebuild trust in a marriage.
The popular saying goes “To err is human and to forgive is divine”. This is why one of the things that couples must inculcate is the act of forgiveness. In my years of counseling couples as a therapist, I have realized that some couples break each other’s trust intentionally and unintentionally.
The ones who take a walk are those who realized that apart from their trust being broken, there was actually nothing else their other half had to offer. Those who choose to stay even after their trust has been broken are those who realize that their partner breaking their trust might have been a momentary lapse in judgment.
This does not mean that you should stay in a marriage where your trust has been broken. The most important thing is identifying if it is worth walking away or not, and that is why if you decide that walking away is not worth it, you will have to work on your foundation which has been destroyed; trust.
I have written below some of the tips I have given to couples on how to rebuild trust in a marriage and this has helped them go far in enhancing the quality of their marriage.
What Is Trust In A Marriage?
Trust in marriage is the understanding of physical, social, and emotional safety with that person. When you know you can be vulnerable and it will not be used against you. It is also knowing that you can be str#pped n#ked and whatever is left of you is still loved and respected.
Can You Rebuild Trust In A Marriage?
It is possible to rebuild trust in marriage as long as both partners have decided to rebuild trust, actively seek ways on how to rebuild trust in a marriage, and are committed to the process of rebuilding trust in their marriage.
How Do You Repair Trust In A Marriage?
You rebuild trust in a marriage by deciding to acknowledge your mistakes, work on them and ensure that it does not repeat itself. Also, make sure you find every way to convince your spouse that you are not that person who is going to hurt them again.
10 Effective Ways To Rebuild Trust In Your Marriage
These tips on how to rebuild trust in a marriage are what you need to fully restore your marriage to that blissful state it has always been in.
1. Decide On Building The Trust
Your decision-making is an important aspect of rebuilding trust because it is one of the ways to rebuild trust in your marriage. You or your mate’s trust might have been broken. It is important to know that not deciding to walk away does not mean the marriage is in a healthy state. Deciding to stay is a testament to how much you are willing to hold on to that marriage for whatever reasons you have.
So it is important that if you are going to be in that marriage, you have to find a way to ensure that it is a marriage you can trust your mate; you have to decide to reconstruct your marriage in such a way that you can trust your other half again.
2. Take Responsibility For Your Actions
In problem-solving, it is always a truism that accepting a problem is halfway to solving it. If you do not accept responsibility for your actions even if you apologize to your spouse, it does not matter because the same thing will still repeat itself and the trust will be broken.
One of the things that I advise my clients to do is to ask them to take responsibility for their actions; to accept the role they’ve played in breaking their partners’ trust. This way, they actively find ways to work on themselves, and next time they find themselves in a similar situation, they can extricate themselves because they understand the consequence that comes with their actions.
Taking responsibility for your actions is one of the tips on how to build trust in a marriage.
3. See A Therapist
Many people react in different ways to their trust being broken. For some people, they turn taciturn and refuse all attempts at communication, for some, it’s anger. For some other people, they start shouting, while for others, they withdraw.
Knowing your other half is very important in this aspect because if your spouse finds it difficult to communicate with you because you have broken his trust then seeing a therapist will do the magic of helping him open up.
Conversations between partners whose trust has been broken might not be productive. Due to hurt, conversations and other attempts at rebuilding trust might face a roadblock and this is where you need a therapist.
Visiting a therapist is one of the steps to rebuild trust in marriage.
4. Work On Communication Blocks
Trust being broken in marriage has a way of destroying channels of communication because it can be as bad as avoiding each other for a while and choosing not to broach the subject. Sometimes, what leads to trust being broken is the resultant effects of lack of communication. And many times, trust being broken leads to a block in communication.
Communication channels must be reopened and used consistently. This is something that you have to do if you truly want to rebuild trust in your marriage because it’s one of the most important ways on how to rebuild trust in marriage. You have to get rid of the obstacles.
When you communicate properly, it’s easy for your other half to know what exactly you are thinking and this makes it easier for them to believe you, to trust you and as we say, you cannot trust somebody that you don’t know.
By the way, if you need conversation starters for couples, you should start with this amazing set of conversation prompts that will break the ice.
5. Create New Rules
When trust is broken, one thing is definite, there has been an abandonment of certain values. Each marriage has a set of rules and values that guide them and this is what makes marriage different from the other. To effectively rebuild trust, there needs to be rules.
The importance of these rules is that it keeps your other half within the boundaries which makes the aggrieved other half feel safe. Creating new rules such as not going out late at night, keeping your other half informed about your whereabouts, and sitting down to discuss your day every time goes a long way in helping your mate understand that you will not hurt them again.
Creating rules and sticking by them is one of the tips to rebuild trust in marriage.
6. Constantly Engage In Words Of Affirmation
Breaking your mate’s trust involves expelling your mate’s secret to the world, not showing up for your spouse in one way or the other, cheating on your significant other, and choosing work over your partner.
One of the ways that you remind your spouse that you would not do the same thing is if you engage in words of affirmation, you let them know that they matter to you and you wouldn’t try to hurt them as you did before.
Words of affirmation have a way of getting to your other half and making them understand that they are not going to have a repeat of the previous incident.
When it comes to how to rebuild broken trust in marriage, words of affirmation like, I love you messages is a sure bet.
7. Stop All Contact With Side Distractions And Show It
As a marriage therapist, I have come across several cases where the man breaks his mate’s trust or the woman breaks her mate’s trust through infidelity. One of the things that I always advise my client to do is that they get rid of whatever facilitated them in breaking their partners’ trust.
A certain client of mine had cheated on his wife and the only way the wife could be convinced that he had changed was to delete the contact of the woman he cheated on her with. He had to stop meeting her and block her on all social media platforms.
I was also in support of this because one of the ways to rebuild trust in marriage and show your other half that you have truly changed is to distance yourself away from whatever object or person facilitated in helping you break your trust.
8. Be Accountable Without Request
After breaking your mate’s trust, leaving your spouse in the dark about what you do is not always advisable. It will not yield any positive results in your quest of rebuilding trust in your marriage.
You have to understand that you’ve broken their trust and if they are paranoid about some things, their fears are valid. So, leaving them in the dark about some things would make them feel like they are getting a repeat of what you’ve done earlier. So how do you avoid this?
You do this by being accountable without request, don’t wait for them to ask you where you are before you tell them where you are. Don’t wait for them to ask you what you’re doing before you tell them what you’re doing, don’t wait for them to ask you who you are meeting with before you tell them who you are meeting, also, you don’t wait for them to ask you what you are thinking before you tell them. Be accountable without request.
Do not wait for questions before you supply these answers readily. This is so that they know you are committed to rebuilding the trust back. This is one of the tips on how to rebuild trust and intimacy in a marriage.
9. Take Your Time To Reach Forgiveness
If it’s either you or your other half whose trust has been broken then one thing you shouldn’t do is to rush the process of forgiveness and healing. This is because, normally, trust is something that takes time to build even with trusting normal persons who have not hurt you before. How much more someone who hurt you in the past?
Whether you are the aggrieved or the offender, if you want the person to trust again, you cannot rush the process, you have to take your time, and you have to put in the work. This is one way on how to rebuild trust in a marriage.
10. Have Bonding Activities
There are a lot of activities that you can have with your spouse to rebuild trust and they involve engaging in the morning routine, and late-night routines, they also involve couple’s bucket list activities which can help you get closer to your significant other, get into their thinking process and enjoy your time with them.
The purpose of bonding activities is that when you engage in them, you spend more time together and you communicate with each other more and this makes the process of rebuilding trust in marriage easier and more worthwhile.
How To Rebuild Trust After Cheating And Lying
As a therapist and a marriage counselor, I have realized that cheating and lying in a marriage is as bad as m#rdering because you do a lot of damage to your marriage and the person you’re in a marriage with. This is not something that someone wants to experience or someone would put themselves up for.
1. Come Clean
One way on how to rebuild trust in a marriage after lying and cheating is that you have to come clean; you have to confess your wrongdoings. You must ensure you are not hiding anything because it will only get worse if your partner ends up finding out that you lied about something. Coming clean is the first step to rebuilding trust.
2. Ask For Forgiveness
You need to ask that person for forgiveness. You must ask for forgiveness because not asking for forgiveness is an indicator that you are proud and you’ve not repented. Asking for your partner’s forgiveness is important. It is one of the tips on how to rebuild trust after cheating.
3. Cut All Forms Of Contact With The Person
You need to cut contact with the person that helped facilitate you breaking your mate’s trust. This is one of the ways to make your other half feel secure about forgiving you and one of the tips on how to rebuild trust after cheating and lying.
4. Make Your Intention Of Moving Forward Known
If after breaking your mate’s trust, you don’t want to leave the relationship because you still love your significant other. You need to let your other half know you want to move on with them, you are willing to leave the side attraction behind to start anew.
Don’t assume they want to move on with you or they know you are not moving on. In plain words, let them know you do not want to go and still want to be around them. Doing this will help you know what they are thinking at the moment and if they can’t give a reply yet, exercise patience.
5. See A Therapist If Necessary
Not everyone takes the news of being cheated on very well and this is why sometimes, it’s hard for most people to seek closure without the help of a therapist. It’s very important that you see a therapist if it’s looking like you are not making any progress with your spouse because it is one of the ways on how to rebuild trust in marriage after lying.
6. Be Truthful About Your Activities
One of the tips on how to rebuild trust in a marriage after infidelity is by being truthful. Being shady about your activities is not going to help you all because nobody wants to be kept in that constant state of being paranoid, fearful, and doubtful about what their other half is doing. Be accountable to your partner, they deserve it.
Trust Building Exercises For Couples
These trust-building exercises are instrumental in helping couples break down obstacles that might have been caused by lying and cheating.
1. Go On Dates
One important way to build trust with your spouse is going on dates. When you go on dates with your other half you get to spend time together, communicate more and enjoy shared experiences. This is one of the trust-building exercises that helps couples connect on a deeper level.
2. Have A Real Conversation Moment
One of the most important trust-building exercises for couples you can have with your other half is to have a real conversation moment. This is a time when you get to be vulnerable, where there are no restrictions or emotional obstacles.
This real conversation moment is where each spouse is allowed to lay down their thoughts unfiltered. So if you need questions to help you achieve these real moments, then check out these 101 amazing questions to ask your partner for a deeper connection.
3. Create Long-Term Routines
Long-term routines is one of the best ways to rebuild your trust for each other. The importance of long-term routines cannot be overemphasized because it’s one aspect of marriage that will affect other aspects long term. Long-term routines help you get closer and even if you don’t feel like it, it helps you be in your mate’s face for as long as possible.
Read more on 30 fun hobbies for couples to enjoy together.
4. Journal Together
One of the activities to rebuild trust in a relationship that you can do with your significant other is to journal together. It’s a good trust-building exercise because it helps you write down your thoughts in the clearest possible way. It gives your other half unrestricted access to your thought pattern and it also helps you both see how far you’ve come and in a way, see your flaws.
5. Play Games
Playing games with your partner is one of the ways that you rebuild trust together. These activities help you to reconnect with each other, communicate with each other, and spend more time with each other. Playing games and having fun together is one of the best tips on how to rebuild trust in a marriage.
Final Words On Ways To Rebuild Trust In Marriage
These ways on how to rebuild trust in a marriage are tips that I have generously dished to clients who have needed my services in this area. They’ve gone on to apply these tips and it has worked wonders for them. So applying them is something that you must do because it will help you rebuild trust in such a way that your marriage will be as good as new.
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