Are you hurt? Are you confused also and feeling terrible that you can’t process how you feel? I know you can’t wait to read through quickly as you need help but remember this: No feeling lasts forever, you could be hurting right now, but you will move past this pain soon and allow yourself to heal.
Building trust after an affair is possible and your relationship can become better if you care enough to want it back, and it totally depends on how you and your partner are willing to work at it.
Cheating isn’t the only thing that can break trust in a relationship but it is considered one of the weightiest matters.
Nobody wants to be cheated upon, no one wants to feel like not being good enough, and neither does anyone want to play second fiddle, but it’s the case lately as infidelity seems to be on the increase. No reason for cheating is good enough; no one deserves to be cheated on.
In this blog post, we will be looking at how to rebuild trust in a relationship.
1. Don’t Forget That Healing Takes Time
It is true that your feelings are hurt and you feel you can never trust your mate again, but take it slowly. It’s a phase and it will definitely pass. It is not going to be immediately but you will heal. You only need to be determined to get in the rubble, give it a trial and come out of it stronger.
You don’t need to rush this process; cry if you want to but don’t stay there. It’s normal to grieve the loss of a loved one which includes the breaking of trust. This goes beyond being sad. Especially when you love someone and lose your innocence to them, it could make you cry.
Maybe your mate lied to you and you don’t even know what to believe anymore. Don’t rush past this stage of grieving; let it come so you can heal quickly. I can’t promise you that trust will be restored but you can be fine again with lessons learned.
2. Make A Commitment To Help Each Other
Being together in this will help your mate overcome the feeling of hurt and prevent it from reoccurring. It will ease pressure and tension. Make a commitment to stay with each other and not cheat anymore.
3. Whoever Cheated Should Apologize
This is the foundation on how to rebuild trust in a relationship.
Sometimes saying sorry isn’t enough. This isn’t a time to justify whatever happened, don’t give excuses for your wrongdoing. You have to own the wrong you did and let your partner know you are aware of the damage your action has caused.
Be responsible and let your spouse know how much they mean to you and that you are ready to make things right. Let them know you are committed to making things work one more time.
The one offended should be open, try to empathize and understand why they hurt them; the reason may be invalid but being empathetic will put you in a place of understanding to know why the offense came. You are probably hurt because they are hitting and need to be healed too.
4. The Offender Should Ask For Help To Change
I always say apologizing sometimes isn’t enough if the offender doesn’t work towards changing and not repeating the hurt. By this, I mean that saying you are sorry is okay, but you need to follow through with actions so your mate can believe you are genuinely remorseful and have also changed. They need your actions to validate your words. This could assure them of a changed you. You could also enlist their help.
For example, if you are a forgetful partner and this keeps hurting your partner, you could ask them to remind you of some important information prior to when you need them. Try creating cues to help you remember. If you cheated, let them have access to your emails so they can trust you and this will also help you keep away from cheating. This is how to rebuild trust after cheating.
The offended also have to try to believe in his or her mate; with time, things will fall in place as the repeated actions will give proof of a changed you. Just apologize and mean it, follow up apologies and work on intimacy together. This is the time to have ‘the talk’ and sort out other grey areas that may have long been swept under the carpet.
5. Do What You Have To Do
If you need some time alone as the offended, please do, as you will need some time to process how you feel and you have a right to feel the way you want; you can grieve if you feel your relationship cannot be repaired. Can all betrayals be forgiven? No, can all cheating be forgiven and forgotten? Definitely not.
So when you have tried and it seems not to work, you can enlist the help of external bodies and when it doesn’t work, don’t be scared to walk away especially when the offence is being committed repeatedly and there’s a breakdown of trust. It’s best to let go; there’s no point flogging a dead horse unwilling to change but don’t give up too soon; time settles it all.
You must have read a couple of times that you have to forgive but the question that comes next is how to rebuild trust in a relationship?
6. It Takes Two
The truth is not all marriages will survive unfaithfulness but don’t forget that it takes two to make things work again. If only one partner is interested in mending fences, chances of getting back together will be very slim but when both partners agree, there’s hope. This is a step in the direction of how to rebuild trust in a relationship.
7. Make Sacrifices
If yours was infidelity, reach an agreement to help each other, and try to be available. I’ve read stories of couples who had to make a lot of sacrifices to make things work again. I learnt of a couple who had access to their personal laptops and logged them in whenever they needed to be online. Is this an easy thing to do? No, it’s all about sacrifice and both partners must make it work.
8. Set Boundaries
Let your partner know the way forward after the incidence of betrayal. This will help you understand the needs of each other. You are not perfect that’s why you both need to work together to clear the mess you have found yourself in. Be determined to make it work. Be open to change and spell out boundaries if need be.
When my wife cheated and I found out, I told her she had lost some privileges and I placed strict measures to protect myself from hitting her. She lived with those boundaries until I could see she had changed, so I lowered my guards, Nelly says.
There’s no harm in setting boundaries. It brings respect, helps you understand the expectations of your partner and is a very important tool that teaches you how to rebuild trust in a relationship.
My heart goes out to you both but note that things can work again and your relationship will blossom again if you are committed to making it work. Want to share your experiences? Feel free to do so in the comment section.
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