I’m trying to imagine how fun-filled your dating life was, how you moved from being friends to lovers and finally how you began making preparations for your big day. It must have been one of the happiest days of your lives.
Now, you are home with the love of your life, sharing space with him and doing all you can to make him happy. I can also imagine you saying to yourself that your man is so caring and loving but what can you do about learning how to be a good wife and keeping things the way they are between you two or even improving it.
So if you are newlywed, in a relationship or even married, this will come in handy for you as we explore together how to be a good wife and improve your marriage.
It’s a good thing to know how to relate with your husband as dating days are over and reality is staring you in the face now.
One thing I’ve noticed about marriage is that in the early days, you feel so good about yourselves that you wish to remain like that all your lives but trust me, that’s impossible as you will have misunderstandings and never agree on some issues but don’t lose sight of the fact that you now have your man and one of the ways you can keep him is by being your sweet self.
Remember several people wrestled to also be with your man but they lost him, which is why you have to do all you can to discover the secrets on how to be a good wife.
9 Tips On How To Be A Good Wife
Understand that though you are married, yet you are an individual being. You are female and he’s male and this means that you both are wired differently.
Women and men behave differently and also respond to issues differently. This means we have to deal with them on their terms and some men cannot speak to a lady about how they feel because the lady will react differently.
A man is a man, wired differently and his response to issues will differ also. This means that we should deal with men based on how they see things and not our own view.
This post will walk you through every detailed step on the qualities of a good wife material and how to be a better wife.
1. Know And Understand His Basic Needs
Every man’s basic needs include respect, love making, food and him wanting to win in life. Want to know how to be a good wife and improve your marriage? Learn, know and understand his basic needs.
2. Show Your Man Some Respect
Every man will make a wife that respects him happy too.
One lesson I learned from my mum is this “A man becomes putty in the hands of a woman who knows how to respect him’. Better put is “A satisfied man will do anything for his wife”. Showing respect to your husband doesn’t make you a doormat as some ladies erroneously believe.
Want to know more about how to be a good wife and tips to be a good wife?
3. Be An Encourager
Men deal with self-image issues just like we do sometimes. Most men battle with low self-esteem, weight problems and the need to meet up with their contemporaries.
Some get into unhealthy competitions just to prove a point and feel good about it. This is where we come in as wives and being an encourager is one of the qualities of a good wife.
- Do you speak encouraging words to your mate?
- Do you compliment him?
- Do you still give him some positives when he looks at you or have you lost them?
Your man needs to know how you feel about him, he needs to experience it in your body language, the way you relate with him, talk with him, play with him and also treat him when you are in the company of people of alone.
He bears so much weight and as such will need some relief not just from the weight but to be told he’s doing perfectly well despite the not so good days he may experience while trying to make you happy. He needs to know you are his biggest fan even when he missed the mark.
Don’t make life more complicated than it is for him already. He may not know what to do in certain situations, he may find it difficult believing in himself, tell him he’s the best man not just with words or empty flattering but be intentional with the words you say to him.
He may be overwhelmed with so many responsibilities. He may not have a 9 to 5 job but he is definitely out there, doing something to cater for you and the kids, be appreciative.
Most men are afraid of not being able to live up to societal expectations, so most times, they end up becoming over-ambitious, getting involved in bad practices or just give up and run away. That is why this post is here to help you know how to be a good wife by understanding your man’s basic need to be respected and the need to win in whatever they do.
Trust me when I say they really need our applauses as wives. They yearn inwardly for our “thumbs up”, pat on the back and that voice that says to them “you are doing great”, you may not have gotten to the prize or hit the mark this time but I trust you will do better next time. Our men long for this even when they don’t say it.
Try doing something special for your man today. Appreciate him by thanking him for all his efforts trying in paying the bills, encourage him and spur him on with your words.
Want to know more about how to be a good wife? Keep reading tips to be a better wife below.
4. Never Speak Ill Of Your Man
Imagine taking out the trash that has been loaded for days and emptying the contents in the bin, what does it smell like? Is the smell pleasant to the nostril? Can you water it as a fragrance on your clothes? Definitely not. That’s how repulsive some words we speak to our men are.
Our goal should be to build up our men and not tear them down with words. How do we then communicate when there are issues? Do we report them to all and sundry or we try to resolve issues amicably without a third party? Do you trash talk your man to anyone that cares to listen? Do you expose his weaknesses when he offends you? Do you yell at him? Do you threaten him with the “divorce” word?
How do you communicate?
This is one vital point on how to be a good wife. Do you hide from your man? Do you keep secrets? I understand that sometimes it’s wise to stay silent and overlook some things for peace to reign but it should not always be so.
Remember you are dealing with someone who has a past; he was a child, did some growing up, he evolved and is currently a build-up of so many events and experiences.
Don’t forget also that your man has been through thick and thin that has formed his opinion, ideas and even the way he sees things. These and many more are the reasons why you both may never agree on some issues as your view of life is through a different set of lenses.
The question now is how to be a good wife when it comes to communicating with your man the right way?
I emphasize greatly for couples to be friends before they settle in as lovers because friends will always talk about things. Talking goes beyond words but includes body language also.
Let’s begin with the eyes. Looking into the eyes of your spouse when they speak tells them they have your attention. It goes a long way to convey some warmth across too, knowing they are safe with you. When they say something funny, wink at them, when they break the good news, let your eyes light up.
Do something with your body that passes across a special kind of message. Don’t listen to them absent-mindedly, don’t keep looking at the phone or watching Tv when there is a discussion going on between you two, it sends a signal of you not being ready to listen to them.
Not paying attention to your mate could also still enter your bedroom as your mate may not be responsive to your touch. Next is to let them know you are following the conversation by responding while they speak.
Can you keep a secret? If yes, then your mate will never wear a mask when with you but if you have a leaking bag, your mate may find it difficult being open to you about very important matters and I’m sure you know that this means that someone else may be giving him that attention outside.
Don’t disseminate unsolicited advice. Allow your mate to give their thoughts then politely give your input. Don’t jump to conclusions, your mate may have it all figured out and may only need a listening ear, so don’t ruin things.
Ask questions when you don’t understand what has been discussed and ask open-ended questions that would make it easy for your mate to open up to you.
Don’t attack them even when wrong. Don’t bring the past issues, let them go. Whenever you are angry, try to simmer down before speaking so you don’t vent, try to also agree on word boundaries, mine with my husband is never to allow the word “divorce” to come up in any of our misunderstandings with each other.
Most women are quick to ask if getting intimate with their husbands is food? And I say yes it is to the majority of men. It doesn’t just begin from the bed but what he sees.
What do you wear when you are with him? Want to know how to be a good wife and improve your marriage? Look for ways to seduce him, make him deliberately chase you.
Some wives have failed in this aspect as some use it as a manipulative tool to get things from their husbands while others when not in the mood deflate their husband’s ego by the way they respond when he gets close to them in bed.
Some others misinterpreted every show of affection by the man to mean he wants to get down and dirty and this pushes the man away into the waiting arms of another woman out there. Yet another set of women leave their personal hygiene unattended to and when the man comes knocking he gets turned off just merely looking at his wife.
Imagine a wife unshaven, not well trimmed in her armpits, wearing old and dirty underwears and bad-smelling odor oozing out of her buccal cavity meanwhile her husband has hot chics all around him at work with well-made hair, groomed nails, lovemaking triggering perfumes and well-packaged bodies, tell me why the men won’t go after them?
Note that, I’m not trying to sponsor cheating here as no one should cheat on his or her spouse but all I’m trying to drive home here is that we should stop sponsoring such affairs with our attitudes towards our men.
Wives, it’s time to step up your game! Get well-fitting clothes and underwear, let your fragrance do some introduction and your look send a statement of “come grab me”.
What happens when it’s time? Do you just lay like a log of wood? No, you try to participate, take the lead sometimes. Ask what he wants and give it to him. A good wife doesn’t wait to be invited for fellowship with her husband but initiates it too and tries some sweet relationship rituals that will help your love last.
Don’t be a boring wife, get some mouth-opening lingerie and make your man go crazy even before he reaches out for you. Be adventurous and try out new things. Watch his reaction whenever you touch him and note his very sensitive spots.
7. Create The Mood You Want
Every man wants to return home at the close of work to a calm and serene environment. If there’s any noise at all, it should be a welcome home party for him as the king of the house with the kids running out to welcome him home and cheering him with “welcome dad”.
And you also meeting him at the door with some show of affection and not a yelling wife asking where he has been or a wife who refuses to serves him dinner after a hard day at work because of an offense he committed earlier in the day. No man wants to return home to a nagging wife who complains about everything.
Another lesson I learned from my mum is to allow him to cool off before telling him about your day. I also learned not to break bad news too early but allow him to settle in, shower, have dinner and while it’s time for pillow talk, you can then rub minds with him.
Men love to be pampered, so take advantage of offering him body massage; it could be a foot or back massage, just something to take away the stress and help him relax. Men seek and pursue peace and they run towards wherever they can find it. Little wonder there are mistresses everywhere.
Wives, let’s take our positions and learn how to be a good wife by making the home a haven for them. Let us be an oasis of peace and a place where they can run to and unwind after facing the world.
8. Nourish Him
Qualities of a good wife material include caring about her husband’s nutrition. Even when you don’t have so much, you can improvise and prepare highly nutritious meals for your man.
Go to catering school if need be, join cooking groups online, try to offer some very nice varieties to his taste buds. Watch out for his favorite meal and look for several ways to prepare it.
I understand that men can be difficult at times but when you discover what his needs are and seek to meet them, you will be termed a good wife by your man.
If you are finding it hard to try any of the aforementioned tips to be a good wife, don’t be hard on yourself or try to beat yourself up, it’s a continuous cycle, you will keep learning and unlearning. I’m not perfect too but as you strive on, you will get there.
9. Be Supportive
Go through thick and thin with him. Every man’s journey in life is laced with ups and downs. There are times and seasons where things will not go the way he planned or expected things to go with him. Will you be there during those times? Will you wade in the water with him or abscond when the challenges arrive?
The starting point of learning how to be a good wife and tips to be a better wife is knowing from the beginning that life is not a bed of roses and despite these challenges, a marriage can still work when there is a great deal of understanding between the parties involved.
Life is filled with bittersweet experiences and so also is marriage. Challenges come to test your resolve and also offer you in disguise an opportunity on how to be a good wife.
Final Thoughts: How To Be A Good Wife
Is this all it takes to be a good wife? Definitely not, there’s the need to be patient, the need to praise your man, the need to give him some space and not overcrowd him and the list goes on. This is just a starting point on how to be a good wife and how to be a better wife, you can add yours.
Rome was not built in a day and since this is all about human relationships, there’s room for improvement. Believe me when I say you are not doing badly regardless of where you are but you can also do better.
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