Certain habits in marriage do not manifest itself until we are married. On getting married, we continue these habits, and over time, they begin to affect the quality of our marriage.
It is important that from time to time we evaluate ourselves to see what we are doing wrong or right and how we can improve on them. One of the things to note is that marriage requires constant evaluation, and this is why I have written this post on things that destroy a marriage to help you see the small things that are destroying your marriage and how you can work on them.
What Are Little Things You Do That Can Destroy Your Marriage?
The little things that you do that can destroy your marriage include being disrespectful to your partner, failing to understand your partner, taking your partner for granted, avoiding conflict, squandering your finances, and neglecting your partner’s emotional needs. These are little things that are capable of destroying your marriage in no time.
13 Things You’re Doing Wrong That Will Destroy Your Marriage
Working on these everyday behaviors that destroy marriages will help you turn a new leaf and become a better partner.
1. You Don’t Communicate
One of the things that destroys a marriage is failing to communicate properly with your partner. You must know and understand that communication is one of the key aspects of sustaining a marriage. It is the foundation of any relationship and is essential for all relationships, especially marriage. The best marriages thrive on proper communication.
When you do not communicate with your partner, when you fail to explain yourself, share your worries or your pains, and do not allow your partner to do the same, how do you intend to sustain your marriage?
My clients understand how much I emphasize communication. I have seen many great marriages hit rock bottom because one or both partners failed to communicate things that could have been solved with a sincere I am sorry.
By the way, if you are feeling awkward about starting a conversation after so long? Here is an amazing list of conversation starters to get that conversation going.
2. You Don’t Prioritize Quality Time Together
One of the ways you knew you wanted to end up with your partner or you wanted to marry your partner was that you spent enough time together to see their person and fall in love with them. Why are you now married and you no longer prioritize spending quality time with your partner? This is one of the things that destroy a marriage; your partner has emotional needs that can only be met by spending quality time with them.
In a world of hustle and bustle, you must make a conscious decision to spend quality time with your partner. It is not a chance event; rather, it is a decisive event you must be intentional about. When you don’t spend quality time with your partner, you are setting your marriage up for a breakdown.
3. You Are Neglecting Your Partner’s Emotional Needs
When you neglect your partner’s emotional needs, you are slowly contributing to the demise of your marriage.
People get married for companionship, and companionship often entails meeting your partner’s needs. This includes being there for them when they need you, offering words of affirmation, providing physical touch, and giving them gifts.
Do you want some ideas on things you can do to meet your partner’s emotional needs? I have written a comprehensive list.
Neglecting your partner’s emotional needs is to the detriment of you and your partner because you might need your partner to be there for you and they won’t. Meeting your partner’s emotional needs is an integral part of the success of your marriage.
When you meet your partner’s emotional needs, it makes them feel loved, heard, cared for, and most importantly, feel safe. Plus, it’s one of the little things that makes a big difference in your marriage. Not doing this is one of the things that slowly destroys a marriage.
4. You Hold Onto Grudges
I once had a client who made it a habit to withdraw from his wife and would not talk to her for weeks. Sometimes, he kept malice for two weeks to four months. This was a very terrible habit he didn’t know was destroying his marriage.
One day, his partner was fed up, she exited the marriage and got married to someone else. When he came in for counseling, he was distraught. He loved his wife but he had lost her to another because he was the type to hold on to grudges.
There is nothing wrong with getting into a quarrel, it would help you both understand each other. What is wrong is allowing your anger to linger and cause pain to your partner. One of the things that destroy a marriage is not learning to let go of grudges.
5. You Avoid Conflict Resolution
One of the most important skills that we need to master as an adult before and after marriage is conflict resolution.
Conflict resolution skills are very important in marriage because you are going to fight with your partner and you need this knowledge to douse the tension, quench the fire, and make up with your partner.
When you avoid conflict resolution with your partner, you allow your fight to linger for too long which will turn to bitterness and deep-seated hatred. Allowing your conflict to last for too long is slowly contributing to the demise of your marriage because what you give room to is going to grow and this is one of the things that will destroy your marriage.
If you give room for hatred and unforgiveness they will grow into roots that will destroy the foundation of your marriage. This is one of the bad habits that will ruin your marriage if you don’t keep it in check.
6. You Ignore Financial Issues
By ignoring the looming financial issues in your marriage, you are unwittingly contributing to the demise of your marriage as this is one of the little things that destroy marriages.
Money is one of the key reasons why couples divorce. Money talk is a conversation that you need to have with your partner so that you both can focus on building your net worth. Having this discussion will help you both understand who is more financially savvy, thus allowing that person to take the lead in managing your home’s finances.
Also, talking about money will help you both track your expenses and determine the levels of cash inflow and outflow. It will foster trust between you, and ultimately, help you both be in sync financially.
7. You Fail To Support Each Other’s Goals
One of the things that destroy a marriage is that you fail to support your partner’s goals, you don’t celebrate with each other, and you don’t help each other become a better person.
This is very dangerous because one of the beauties of having a companion is that you have somebody who is there to lift you when you are down and who is there to cheer you up when you finally make it.
We might hear words like congratulations and I’m proud of you from a lot of people but these words do not mean as much to you as when your partner says them to you.
Your partner should not have someone else they are not married to be their biggest supporter. Be your partner’s biggest cheerleader today.
8. You Take Your Partner For Granted
One of the things that destroy a marriage is to take your partner for granted.
It’s very important that in marriage you do not get too familiar with your partner and thus they lose their value in your eyes. The effect of being too familiar with them is that you begin to relegate them and think that you can treat them however you like because you think that they are a fixture in your life.
You must treat your partner with respect, you give them your listening ears, and you show how you are intentional about being there for them.
9. You Don’t Trust Your Partner
The depth of a relationship is in the level of trust. One of the things that destroy a marriage is that you don’t trust your partner.
Trust is an integral part of marriage, it is what makes your marriage solid. It’s the reason why you are willing to take that step even if you don’t know everything.
When you are married and you show your partner that you don’t trust them, it breaks their heart, especially if they have not done anything to deserve such treatment. This behavior makes them feel less of themselves and when they meet that person who trusts them and gives them that respect, they would want to exit the marriage.
Want to work on trusting your partner again? Here are the best trust-building exercises for couples and trust-building tips to achieve that.
10. You Neglect Self-Care And Personal Growth
If you are the type to neglect self-care and fail to invest in personal growth, you are making a huge mistake because this is one of the bad habits that can destroy your marriage.
Work on yourself and improve on yourself because it’s very important. As much as your partner loves who you are, you must maintain your partner’s attraction to you by becoming a better version of yourself in whatever areas you feel require improvement. For instance;
- There is nothing wrong with working out physically to have a toned body or shed some weight.
- There is nothing wrong in reading more books on emotional intelligence or seeing a therapist to better analyze yourself.
- There is nothing wrong with skilling up to earn better income.
- There is nothing wrong with creating positive connections with people and joining a good society with a worthy cause.
Becoming a better version of yourself is key to sustaining your marriage and spicing up your marriage.
11. You Succumb To External Pressures
When you allow people who ideally should not have a say in your marriage to give you their ideas without knowing the peculiarities of your marriage and you follow without consulting your partner, you are ruining your marriage.
Marriage is like the adage that goes, too many cooks spoil the broth. Allowing a lot of third parties into your marriage with their different ideals is to the detriment of your marriage and your partner’s happiness. This is one of the toxic habits that can destroy a marriage.
It is very important to note that as much as the idea of a third party in a marriage is for direction or guidance, it is also important that you realize that it’s not everyone who fits into the third-party role.
12. You Are Overly Critical
One of the things that destroy a marriage is when you are overly critical of your partner.
We all want to be with people who see the best in us and will appreciate and love us for who we are. Destructive criticism tears your partner’s self-esteem apart and makes your partner feel less of themselves, and of course, one of the signs of a healthy marriage is that both partners criticize each other without tearing the other down.
13. You Refuse To Compromise
Marriage is all about compromise and the faster you learn this, the better it will be for you.
It’s very important to realize that when you refuse to compromise for your marriage and you want to have everything go your way, you are going to be killing your marriage because this is one of the things that ruin marriages.
Your partner is human and your partner wants things also in a certain way, so when you refuse to compromise, you make your partner feel like they are not being heard, you make them feel like they’re not understood which makes you come off as being selfish and this is one of the signs of a bad marriage.
The Bottom Line On Things You’re Doing Wrong That Will Destroy Your Marriage
A successful marriage is a cumulation of good and intentional acts with lots of effort. Working on these things that can destroy a marriage will help you have a better, more admirable relationship.
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