10 Questions To Ask Before Marriage

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things couples should talk about before marriage

Let’s be honest. The “till death do us part” statement of the marriage vow rings increasingly ironic. In the 1930s, one out of seven marriages ended in divorce. In the 1960s, it was one out of four.

Of the 2.4 million couples who will get married this year in the United States, it is predicted that at least 43 percent will not survive. For too many couples, marriage has become “till divorce do us.

Every couple marrying today is at risk. More than two hundred thousand new marriages each year ends before the couple’s second anniversary. After they toss the bouquet and return the tuxedos, couples often assume they’re headed for marital bliss.

But a study of those who recently tied the knot revealed that 49 percent reported having serious marital problems. Half were already having doubts about whether their marriages would last.

The truth is, most engaged couples prepare more for their wedding than they do for their marriage. The $50-billiona-year wedding industry can testify to that fact.

According to experts, the average two-hundred guests wedding today cost twenty-two thousand dollars. More than one million copies of bridal magazines are sold each month, focusing mainly on wedding ceremonies, honeymoons, and home furnishings—but not on marriage itself.

One wonders what would be the effect if the same amount of time, energy, and money spent on the ceremony was invested in the marriage.

Planning the perfect wedding too often takes precedence over planning a successful marriage. And lack of planning is the ultimate saboteur of marriage.

questions to ask before marriage


Questions To Ask Before Marriage

It’s a wonderful feeling to be in a deeply committed relationship, whether that means you’re married, engaged (congrats!) or simply in a solid forever partnership. But with deep dedication comes a great responsibility to make sure you’ve talked about the most important questions to ask before marriage—even when it’s tough.

Let’s take a look at some important questions to ask before marriage, every engaged couple should do well to ask before tying the knot.


1. Where Do You Stand On Kids?

Many partners have values or assumptions that point to one partner staying home with the children, however, more and more both partners desire to stay connected with their careers—even if it’s just part-time—after children are born.

  • Are we having kids? If so, how many?
  • How soon after marrying do you want to start a family?
  • What is our plan if we have trouble conceiving?
  • After we have children, do you plan to work?


2. What Should I know About Your Upbringing?

For example, if there was a lot of yelling when growing up at home, then either the partner believes that yelling is normal and thinks nothing of it when they yell, or on the contrary, yelling may scare them.

Asking about your partner’s parents can give you an enormous amount of information about their sensitivities and perspectives about communication and conflict resolution.

  • Did your parents ever disagree in front of you?
  • How did your parents resolve conflicts?
  • How did your parents show love?
  • Were your folks emotionally available to you?
  • How did your parents deal with anger?


3. 7 Money Questions To Ask Before Marriage

things to discuss before marriage

This is a tricky conversation that can definitely bring up feelings of insecurity and awkwardness. But it’s hugely necessary in terms of mapping out your life and deciding how to intermingle your dollars (and debt).

The important thing is to be transparent, because not disclosing financial issues could cause a huge problem down the road. People talk about everything but money.

  • Do you have any debt or any savings?
  • What’s your credit score?
  • Are we going to buy a house at some point?
  • Should we discuss purchases over a certain amount before buying?
  • Will we have joint accounts?
  • What’s our plan if one of us loses their job?
  • What are our savings goals and what will they go toward?
  • How will we split expenses?


4. Questions To Ask Before Marriage About Religious Orientation

In an ideal situation, it’s OK for each partner to have different beliefs but neither is expected to conform to a religion that’s not theirs. If they support your faith from afar, and if you’re OK with attending services on your own, it’s perfectly normal to not expect them to physically show up for you.

  • How would you describe your beliefs?
  • Do you expect me to join you in group religious services?
  • Do you envision our whole family attending every week or on holidays?
  • Are there any rituals you’d like to adhere to at home?
  • Will our kids be raised religiously?
  • Will we have a religious marriage ceremony?


5. How Do You Show And Accept Love?

We always want to be sure that emotional resources are not only being given to our partner but that we are receiving them as well. For instance, are you able to receive affection but it feels awkward for you to give it back? Your partner’s definition of affection may differ from yours.

Ask them what affection, dedication or commitment means to them and how they plan on demonstrating those qualities in your marriage.

  • How much affection do you need from me to be happy?
  • Do you expect us to always be monogamous?
  • What does showing love mean to you?
  • Are you willing to see a marriage counselor with me?
  • What do you need to feel appreciated?


6 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Settling Down With Your Girl

There is more to marriage than the pretty little things on the surface! Be sure to ask yourself these 6 important questions to ask before marriage.

Your mother may have warned you never to get married for love making or money and she is right. It is about committing yourself to one person and taking responsibility as a pair, no matter how dark the day may be.

Getting married is a huge step, perhaps one of the biggest rites of passage that you will ever experience in your life. Sure, the world may have turned into a cynical place whereby if you get tired of your spouse, all you need to do is sign on the dotted line and you won’t be married anymore.

However, I like to believe that everyone who decides to get married goes into it hoping that it will last forever.

Over the years, people inevitably change. Twenty years from now, you may not be the same person you are today and the same can be said of your partner. This is a challenge that you should not run from.

Personal and professional developments have a lot to do with shaping who you will become. What both of you need to understand is that your marriage should last despite the changes. You should be embracing and evolving with the individual developments that are bound to take place.

Spend some time alone and ask yourself the following questions. Once you can answer every one without flinching, move on to the other questions that you need to answer with your partner.


1. Is This What I Want?

Ask yourself this all the time, every day if need be. Is marriage really what you want? Will it make you happy? Do not worry about other people’s expectations. Whether it is your partner’s, your parents’, or even societies, the only expectations that you need to meet are ones set by yourself.

Think long and hard before making this big commitment. If you are going into marriage with the thought that you can easily get out of it whenever you want, think again.

The amount of paperwork and lawyer’s fees is a bitch and not worth having to suffer through. So do the smart thing and take some time off, in the beginning, to think about whether you really want to get married.


2. Why Am I Doing This?

Do it for the right reasons, not to satisfy a whim. Are you feeling pressured and doing it to please your partner? Whether it is getting married for that green card, or doing it because you want to feel more secure in your relationship, question why you want to get married in the first place.

The institution of marriage is sacred and is not something to be taken lightly just because you want to fulfill another goal.


3. Do I Want To Raise A Family?

questions to ask yourself before marriage

Many couples choose to get married because they are ready to start a family. Do you even want to have kids? If you are tying the knot under the pretext of wanting to start a family, then you need to stop yourself right there.

Think long and hard about whether you see kids in your future. Do not half-ass this decision because raising a family is a serious commitment and definitely not something to be taken lightly.


4. Can I Do This Forever?

Everyone goes into marriage confidently that it will last forever. If you have doubts about being with one person for the rest of your life, you need to rethink the whole idea of getting married.

Do not cower behind separation or divorce when things get emotionally rough. You have to have the strength to see your marriage through to the very end.

However, in all fairness, there are plenty of legitimate reasons to end a marriage, none of which are easy to deal with. Just remember to stick at it for as long as you can without bringing harm to yourself emotionally or physically. For better or for worse, remember?


5. Is Marriage Necessary?

When we look back at what marriage used to symbolize, it has not got much to do with why we do it today. Ask yourself if marriage is even necessary. Are you fine with living an unmarried life with your partner?

In France for example, they have what is known as Pacte Civil de Solidarité (PACS). PACS is a contractual form of civil union that offers less legal rights and responsibilities than marriage. Practiced by both same-gender and opposite-gender couples, you are no longer considered single once you have signed PACS.

Depending on where in the world you live, there are other options besides conventional matrimony and this is proudly showcased by our French counterparts.

Covering all your bases and researching all your options is something that you should look into. You can also opt to “live in sin” like some famous celebrities, notably Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, and Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham.


6. Am I Ready?

Another question to ask yourself is whether you are ready to tie the knot. Always remember that the younger you are, the riskier it is. Decide if you are ready to be tied down to one person and if you are even close to being ready to building a life with this individual.

Being ready and prepared means everything and if you have even a shred of doubt in your mind, step back and put the whole marriage idea on hold for a second. Remember that it takes more than just love to make a relationship work. City hall will always be there but your youth won’t.


5 Financial Questions To Ask Before Marriage

Couples can have very different ways and styles of managing money. When you are single, you can handle your finances however you choose. When you get married, you have to figure out how to work together.

Money is a leading cause of marital conflicts, so it’s important to ask financial questions before getting married. Which financial questions should you ask before marriage? In general, you want to know how you and your partner manage your money.

Start by asking about your money mindset. Are you a born saver, a born spender, or do you fall somewhere in between? Do you prefer to use a budget to manage your bills, or do you hate budgeting?

Here are some other vital financial questions to ask before marriage:


1. How Do You Feel About Debt?

How do you feel about debt? Some people don’t mind large credit card bills and mortgages; others are debt-averse.

Do you strive to live within your means, or do you have a YOLO mentality? How often do you have money left over after you pay your bills? Is saving a priority for you? Do you save for purchases or put them on credit cards?

Can you look ahead to the future and wait to achieve your goals, or do you need instant gratification? Life is long; how do you prepare for the future? How will your partner?

Why does this matter? Couples often fight about financial risk tolerance. One partner may feel comfortable going into debt while the other does not.

Some people don’t worry when their bank balance drops to $5; others may have a panic attack if the numbers fall too low.

It’s important to understand your partner’s comfort levels. How can you compromise in a way that keeps both partners feeling safe and happy?

Before you get married, discuss your debts and credit card use in detail. Debt and credit scores impact your ability to get a mortgage or car loan together.


2. When Will You Discuss Your Finances?

Some couples prefer to discuss money once a month. Others are okay discussing it once a year. How often do you want or need to talk about your finances?

How will you address financial concerns? Learn how to set up family financial meetings to ensure you stay on the same page. Make sure both of you are comfortable with the frequency of your discussions.


3. How Will You Compromise On These Issues?

What do you enjoy spending money on? How does your partner feel about these expenses? What are you willing to give up for shared goals? More importantly, what aren’t you willing to give up?

Discuss these now. Don’t wait until you encounter financial distress to discuss them. This is one of the most important financial questions to resolve before marriage.


4. Will You Merge Your Finances?

How will you combine your money to meet your financial goals? Are you comfortable letting your spouse see how you spend your money? Do you need to keep separate credit cards?

After my husband and I got married, we merged our bank accounts. Merging bank accounts has worked well for us, but I know some couples who prefer to keep their money separate.

Do what works for you, but if you keep your money separate, you may need to discuss your goals and finances more often. Keeping separate accounts might make it harder to fulfill common dreams.


5. What Do You Spend Money On?

Let’s say your current partner is a huge sports fan. What happens after you get married? Do you think he’ll stop buying season football tickets?

You might think these things don’t matter to you, but over time they can destroy marriages. It’s easy to feel like everyday expenses, and goals are being put aside for selfish reasons.

Will you give up a week-long vacation with friends or football tickets for shared financial goals? It’s important to talk about how you spend money, what you value, and what you aren’t willing to give up even if circumstances change.

Are there things you aren’t willing to pay for? My husband never wants to pay someone to cut our grass or trim the lawn. I don’t mind shelling out money for this. The same goes for many other household chores. I don’t mind if he wants to do them, but I don’t enjoy them.


Final Thoughts: Questions To Ask Before Marriage

If you’re met with resistance when broaching any of these points, remind your partner that you’re in your relationship for the long haul and talking things out will only make you closer.

If someone doesn’t want to have these conversations, I kind of want to shake them—gently—and remind them that this is a huge step and talking is intended to benefit both of you.

After all, when you have mortgages, job issues and kids, all of these things make life more complicated. In other words, do it now.


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Author: Loverz Theatre

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