It is easy to assume that you know things men want in a relationship but at the same time understanding that your man is a different gender would help you meet his needs in the relationship. This was the plight of one of my clients who came in with her partner for a counseling session. A few questions into the session, I realized that her major problem was not an inability to show love but she did not understand the needs of her man.
This is the case with so many women, and often these women are frustrated, tired and angry, full of resentment because they think they are trying their best but they’ve been trying their best doing the wrong things. It’s easy to say that you are making progress but true progress is when you’re going in the right direction not the wrong direction, even if you go fast in the wrong direction you still have not made progress.
Understanding what your man wants and the things he needs is one of the key ways to improve intimacy and keep your relationship healthy and strong. No sane man or woman would leave a relationship that meets their needs. So understanding what your man wants is pivotal and that is why I have written a well-thought-out list of what men want in a relationship.
What Is The Main Thing Men Want In A Relationship?
The main thing that men want in a relationship is peace and comfort. Many men would have an affair with a lot of women but the woman they will settle down with is someone who gives them peace and comfort. A woman who he is at ease with, he can trust and he can come home to.
What Men Want In A Relationship: 13 Things All Men Need
The things men want in a relationship are the things I have figured out from my years of counseling, and I’ve realized that most men have these things in common and whenever they have these, they are more than satisfied.
1. Honesty
In a general setting, honesty is something that corporations, organizations, and several associations all hold dear and makes up their core value. How much more a relationship where you claim to love someone? Honesty is being clear about what you want and what you don’t want, being your true self and wearing your heart on your sleeve.
In a world full of lies and deceit, your honesty can be very refreshing. Honesty is what breeds trust. So one of the things men want in a relationship is a woman who is honest with them, who is herself, who knows her mind and says it as it is – other than playing mind games.
2. Communication
Communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. A relationship where there is no communication is as good as no relationship. One of the things men really want in a relationship is a free flow of communication and once you can communicate clearly and well, you are halfway through to their heart.
One of the importance of communicating is that you get to have deep conversations, ask questions that matter and thus deepen your intimacy, and this is one of the most important things that you can ever think of when it comes to a relationship.
3. Space
One of the signs of a healthy relationship is that both partners have other things going on in their lives apart from their romantic affair. One of the things guys want in a relationship is space.
It’s beautiful that you just cannot live without each other but give it to 1,2,3 months and you are not even giving him space, he is going to get tired. You need to give your mate that chance to do whatever he wants to do without feeling guilty that he is not by your side or not caring enough. When you give your man space, it helps your relationship grow, and don’t forget the proverb that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
When you are always with your better half, he won’t get the chance to miss you but when you’re not with him, he gets the chance to think about you, to remember how beautiful your smile is, how wonderful his life is with you, and how beautiful you are and he gets to miss you.
4. Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy in a relationship is not negotiable and is one of the things that your man will definitely want in a relationship. While some men have more physical needs than others, it does not change the fact that your man wants to be physically intimate with you.
This does not mean he is using you for physical pleasure. Your favourite means of intimacy might be communication, gifts, or quality time, your man can be different and it might just be physical intimacy, and this is one of the things men want in a relationship.
5. Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy does not only exist between friends, parents and children, emotional intimacy also exists in a romantic relationship, and this is what makes your relationship with that man different from a relationship with other men in your life. So your man wants to be emotionally intimate with you, it’s one of the things men desperately want in a relationship.
If your man does not find a safe space with you, cannot be vulnerable to you, or cannot be confident that even when he breaks down you are not disgusted or you are not overly critical of him with hurtful words; there isn’t much emotional intimacy and this could be one of the signs that your relationship is over.
6. Respect
One thing you have to accept is that many men have their egos to protect, and for many men, respect goes hand-in-hand with love. If you claim to love your man and you do not respect him, you don’t give him that position of being a man, then your expression of love will not yield the result that you desire.
Respect is one of the things men want in a relationship, many men find it important and require it from their women. If you’re not treating your man right, and you are not respecting him; this will affect his feelings towards you because no man wants to be with a woman who makes him feel less of himself.
7. Appreciation
We all want to be complimented, we all want to be told that we did well or we are good at something, so if you have not been appreciating your man, now is a very good time to start. When you appreciate your man, you make him feel better, and increase his self-esteem and his confidence.
It is often the truth that children who have parents that compliment them are more confident than those whose parents are always criticizing them, so it is with your man.
If he is the one shouldering responsibilities, appreciate him and thank him for all he has been doing. If he has been doing the house chores, thank him for making your life easier. If he has been the one paying the bills, thank him for doing that, and if he has been good to you in bed, appreciate him and tell him how good he is; how much you enjoy his game.
Doing this is meeting a particular need in one of the things guys want in a relationship.
8. Acceptance
While this is not an excuse to misbehave, it is also true that we all want people who accept us for who we are, our quirks, our weirdness, and our uniqueness. Accepting your man for who he is and loving him regardless is one of the things a man needs in a relationship.
Once you cannot accept him for who he is, you are going to have a hard time meeting his needs because half the time in the relationship would be spent on correcting him, nagging, or complaining and before you know it, the fire of love is dying out.
This is one of the problems that my client had and she found out that her man was always avoiding her or not telling her things because he knew that she would always say a word of criticism no matter how accomplished he was.
9. Emotional Intelligence
What are the things men want the most in a relationship? it’s emotional intelligence. As a woman, if you truly want to meet the needs of your man, you need to be emotionally mature. No man wants a woman who is always at the mercy of her feelings.
While it has been said by scientists that men think logically and women think emotionally, it does not mean you should always be subject to your emotions. Men need women who can think on their feet, who can assess situations properly and react accordingly, not someone who is always going haywire and is always doing things out of hand. Not to mention, this is one of the things that turn men off.
10. Security
Your security in your relationship is that you know you are the priority in your man’s life, he is reliable and faithful, and you know you can trust him not to misbehave. It’s the same for men out there.
One of the things men want in a relationship is security, a man wants to know that he can leave his partner and he will not come back home to scandal. Your man wants to know that he is your priority, he is your number one person. Your man wants to know that his partner is someone that he can trust with his secret or his password.
11. Partnership
If you want to leave your partner in the relationship to run the whole show or do everything then why are you in a relationship? You have to accept that a relationship is a partnership, and what this means is, you are two people going on a journey together and you have to find ways to help each other else you are not going to make much progress.
When you are in partnership with your man. It means you show up for him, you are rooting for him, and you are cheering him from the sidelines, that is partnership.
Partnership is not doing life on your own. You get a job and you don’t tell him, you’re trying to pursue a course or you’re trying to start a business and you don’t tell him.
Partnership is one of the things guys like in a relationship. Your man wants to be in the know, he wants you to allow him to be there for you and that’s what partnership is.
12. Fun
As much as your man is your ride-or-die, it does not mean that you cannot have fun along the way, so try as much as possible to be open to the idea of having fun. Spontaneity is accepted, allow the livelier version of yourself to come to life.
One of the things men want in a relationship is to be with someone who believes in enjoying big moments and who believes in enjoying all that life has to offer.
13. Romance And Affection
As opposed to popular belief, most men desire romance and affection because it is one of the things men secretly want in a relationship, however, your man might need you to express it in a different form that relates more with him.
For some men, it can be writing a love note, it can be initiating s#x with him, it can be cuddling, it can be repairing their car, or doing something for them that really matters to them. The balance is understanding your man’s version of romance and following the script to the letter.
What Men Don’t Want In A Relationship
There are many things that a man does not want in a relationship and most times they don’t say it but it shows in their actions and I have listed them below. Let’s check out these things men don’t want in a relationship.
1. Lies
If you’re always lying, girl, he cannot trust you. If he can’t trust you, you are no different from the stranger on the street. If he cannot trust you with his heart, how do you want him to trust you with his passwords and his purse?
Lying to your man is not going to get you anywhere and it is something he does not want in a relationship with you.
2. Stalking
When you are always trying to look over your man’s shoulders to see who he’s talking to or calling him incessantly then you are not passing the right message. When he gets tired, there’s nothing else he will tell you other than he wants to break up with you. You will come off as being needy and desperate and not being your person.
A man does not want a woman who is always making him feel like she does not trust him.
3. Disrespect
Insulting a man in public and being overly critical of him is not a constructive way to express your displeasure and this will do no good, rather, it will just facilitate your breakup. What men don’t want in a relationship is disrespect. It’s also important that you know what his version of disrespect is and avoid it.
4. Non-Acceptance
Acceptance is why you are dating, if you’re not going to accept your man for who he is then don’t bother going into that relationship. Being committed is loving your partner and deciding to accept them with their baggage.
When you are not accepting him, then you are not fulfilling that part of tolerance in a relationship. When your man notices that you are not accepting of him, it follows that you are going to criticize and complain. Consequently, the relationship will drain him and drain his self-esteem and he will have to walk out.
Non-acceptance is one of the things guys hate in a relationship and is one of the things that turns them off.
5. Emotional Immaturity
If you cannot control your emotions then you really cannot be in a relationship with a man because that’s something that a man does not want. As much as women are expressive emotionally, you should be able to put some things in check, keep emotions in check and be the adult that you are supposed to be in the relationship.
Emotional immaturity is something most men find unattractive in women.
Final Thoughts: Things Men Want In A Relationship
There are not so many differences in men, and this applies to things men want in a relationship. When you meet his needs, you are showing him that you care, and that you see him and understand him as a person; this is when he will feel satisfied, and this is something that you want in a relationship.
Many women who have tried to understand their partners’ needs have testified to how better it makes their relationship and this is something that you should do too. Make an effort to understand his needs by implementing these tips.
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