How to let go of someone you love is a hard question to arrive at. Worse still, the pain you go through before you dare to ask this question is excruciating.
Letting go of someone you love is never an easy decision, whether it’s a romantic affair, a family member, or the memories of a dead loved one. Everyone has a reason why they keep working hard and living. As a therapist, I have discovered that letting go of someone you love so much could be as bad as letting go of your reason to live.
It is always hard to let go because it’s human nature. Nevertheless, as natural as holding on is, change is more natural and that is why we must learn to let go of certain things and move forward. This is what is called progress. We let go when whatever we are holding on to is hurting us and hindering our progress.
In this post, I have carefully curated the best tips on how to let go of someone you love.
How Do You Let Go Of Someone You Love?
You let go of someone you love by deciding to let go of them. You cannot start the process of letting go without making a conscious decision to walk away from them. A decision is an indicator that you are finally in the right place to let go and you are strong enough to commit to the process.
Why Is It So Hard To Let Go Of Someone You Love?
It is so hard to let go of someone you love because we possess the fear of the unknown. We all love that sense of familiarity and want to be with the person that will evoke that sense of familiarity even though they are hurting us we will rather be with them.
Signs You Need To Let Go Of Someone
These signs you need to let go of someone have been carefully thought-out from my years of experience in counseling and providing therapies to individuals who have experienced pain.
1. You Have Outgrown Them
The truth is that humans change, and as we level up in life, it is normal for you to find people who are on the same level of success as you are. This is why it is hard for romantic partners to be together if there is a wide chasm between their levels of achievement and they do not grow together.
2. You Can’t See A Future With Them
Have you ever seen men who say things like “there are women that you sleep with but you don’t marry”, and have you also heard women say that “there are men you date but you do not marry”? This is because, sometimes, the values that you hold dear are not important to the person that you claim to love and you know that ending up with them is going to cause you pain so it’s better you end it now.
3. You Become Intolerant Of Certain Things They Do
One of the greatest catalysts for letting go is change. Over time, our tastes change, our preferences change, our attitude to certain things change, and our general worldview changes and this is normal because you are human. You grow from being a child to being an adult, you go from having no responsibilities to having responsibilities.
So if your partner does not share that same growth with you and respects that growth, it means it’s time to end the relationship.
4. They Drain Your Energy
Ever seen a relationship that starts all lovey and dovey with promises of forever, and after a few years, it’s stressful and fifty shades of negative? All conversation leaves you empty, this is a sign that you need to let go of that person especially if you have tried to mend the walls and it seems as if nothing is working. It might just mean that person’s chapter in the book of your life is over.
5. You Don’t Like The Person You Become Around Them
Some people bring out the worst in us, some people bring out the best. If your partner is the former, they make you feel like a monster, you definitely want to get out of that relationship. It’s a sign for you to leave because it’s one of the ways on how to learn to let go of someone you love.
6. You Don’t Feel Safe Around Them
If you don’t feel mentally safe, if you don’t even feel physically safe with them, then letting go is actually the best option. Your lack of security around them means your trust levels are very low and your love is running low because you cannot fully love somebody if you do not trust them. Love and trust go hand-in-hand.
15 Ways To Let Go Of Someone You Love And Move On
These 15 ways on how to let go of someone you love are what you need to make a clean break of that relationship and move on without any regrets.
1. Disassociate Yourself
The first tip you need on how to let go of someone you love is to disassociate yourself. This means you have to separate yourself from that person and the first step to doing this is mental distancing.
Mental distancing is putting a gap between you and your partner in your mind. At this point, you can see them for who they are; this helps you see their actions in a clearer light.
Then afterwards, you put a physical distance between yourself and that person if need be. This is one of the tips on how to emotionally let go of someone you love.
2. Accept Your Pain
The refusal to acknowledge your pain is you allowing your wounds to fester. And if not checked, it can grow into bitterness and affect your future relationships.
As a therapist, I always advise that the first thing people need to do to move on is to accept their pain because it validates their humanity. When they do this, they are much more able to work through their emotions and master them.
When you accept your pain, you can confront your demons, conquer them and move on from them. In fact, proof that you have accepted your pain and you have moved on from it is that you can talk about that situation after some time. This is one of the best tips on how to let go of someone who hurt you.
3. Be Optimistic
You need to let go of that person if you know that they are not good for you. It’s easy to harbor thoughts like “You can never find someone better”, “This the best you can do”, “It never gets better” or “The grass is not greener on the other side”. These thoughts can hinder you from making the tough decision to leave. This is why you need to be optimistic because if you are not, you will never move forward.
It’s a risk leaving but it’s a good risk that will pay off. You have to be optimistic about letting go, or else the efforts you have put into walking away will be wasted. This is one of the best ideas on how to let go of someone you love after a breakup.
4. Talk To Others
If you really want to let that person go, you will need to talk to someone. Often, even without talking to a therapist, talking to a friend has proven to be therapeutic. The saying never gets old, a problem shared is half solved. You think your reasons for leaving might be unnecessary until you talk to someone.
As you talk, you see all the reasons why you should leave because this time round, your reasons are out in the open. Talking to others is helpful because it helps you on how to learn to let go of someone you love.
Ways To Let Go Of Someone You Love
5. Engage In Self-Love
Engaging in self-love is one of the ways to let go. This simply means putting yourself first. If you are the type that your partner does not allow to pursue your dreams, always puts you down, or makes their needs more important than your own, put yourself first this time.
It is an act of self-love and that is one of the ways on how to truly let go of someone you love because this allows you to see that you deserve better, you deserve more and there’s nothing wrong with you following your dreams and your passion.
6. Find Support Systems
Support systems are the ones who will make the process easier. Deciding to let go does not make the process easier, it’s sometimes a struggle that takes days to weeks to months to years. You need people to remind you that you are not making the wrong choice. This is a choice that will benefit you in the long run.
So letting go is a process that requires the help of others, and is one of the ways on how to let go of someone you love.
7. Don’t Dwell On Your Partner Anymore
Fantasizing about that person is not one of the ways on how to let go of someone you love. Dwelling on the memories of your partner will make you think you made the wrong choice.
You don’t need to bury the memories of your cherished moments with that person, all you need to do is to see it as a past you have to move on from. See it as an episode in your life that has ended and it’s time for a new episode.
Dwelling and fantasizing about your partner could make you send a random text message or make a random call that could land you right back where you started. This is what you should run from by all means.
8. Reconnect With Your Values
Many times we are so focused on becoming one with our partners that we forget ourselves and we lose our individuality. One of the signs of a healthy relationship is that no matter how high the level of emotional intimacy is, you still know yourself and you know what you stand for. If you’re at the point where you have to let go, you need to reconnect with your values.
Knowing what matters to you the most and going back to the old you is one of the ways on how to let go of someone you love.
Tips To Let Go Of Someone You Love
9. Think Of How Much You Can Take
You need to think of how much you can take to know how you can let go of that person. Most times, people don’t leave until it gets to a certain point where they cannot hold it anymore. Most preferably, do not allow it to get to this point before you make your exit because it might turn out worse than you expect.
Knowing how much you can take will help you decide if you want to leave or not, and is one of the steps to let go of someone you love.
10. Ask The Question WHY
Arriving at your WHY is one of tips to help you let go of someone. Once you identify the reasons why you need to let go of them, it becomes easier to accept letting go. Knowing your why will give you the strength to confront that demon.
If you don’t give yourself reasons why you need to exit that toxic relationship, you will be there for a long time. Your whys can be as simple as your mental health or important as your happiness and peace of mind.
11. Meet New People
Meeting new people is one of the tips on how to let go of someone you love so much. So the saying goes, a child who has only seen his father’s house would say that his father’s house is the biggest. This is a state many people find themselves in when it comes to relationships.
Many times, we believe our partner is the best. This is good in the case you do not want to have to find a reason to cheat on your partner. This is bad when your partner keeps hurting you and you cannot walk away. You need to meet new people, you need to put yourself in new situations and this includes going on dates by yourself, attending games, workshops, or even relationship seminars where they teach you how to be treated in the right way.
12. Accept There Are Others
Need ideas on how to let go of someone? Here is another one. If you do not accept that you have 5 billion dollars in your account you would never be able to use that money even when it is readily available. This is why you need to accept that apart from your partner, there are others who will treat you better.
When you can accept that there are other fishes in the sea, it makes you aim for better and it gives you the strength you need to leave that person. This is one of the best ways to let go of someone you love and move on.
How To Let Go Of Someone You Love So Much
13. Show Self-Respect
I understand that when you need to let go of somebody you have promised forever to, then you have to make the tough decision to leave them, your emotions will be all over the place. And I understand.
However, you need to give yourself that respect, if you do not respect yourself no one else will do it for you and that is why you need to shut all traces of desperate actions of wanting to get back to them. You need to make a clean break even if it means seeing a therapist, you need to show some self-respect for yourself and put value on yourself no matter how hard it is.
Showing some respect for yourself is one of the best ideas on how to let go of someone you love and move forward.
14. Take All The Time In The World
While you may need time to distance yourself away from your partner emotionally so you can begin the process of healing. At the same time, this process is not rushed.
One of the tips to let go of someone you love is to take your time to accept your pain, take your time to work through your emotions, take your time to build your self-esteem, and take your time to accept that there is more out there. Finally, take your time to put yourself out there in the world and wait for the better.
15. Learn From The Relationship
When a relationship goes haywire, sometimes, it is the fault of a partner and sometimes, it’s the fault of both partners. You have to be truthful to yourself to let go properly, you have to see where you might have failed, see where you might have gone wrong, and see what you should have said or should not have said to make the relationship better.
Learning from your mistakes will help you accept your pain, help you forgive yourself, and help you have a much more fruitful relationship with somebody else. Learning from your mistakes is one of the ways to let go of someone you love.
Letting Go Of Someone You Love Messages
These letting go of someone you love messages will help you walk away from that relationship without saying too much.
1. Thank you for all the time spent together. I wish you the best.
2. I am glad I met you, it isn’t time I say goodbye.
3. I am sorry for everything that went wrong, I hope you find a way to forgive me.
4. Thanks for everything, thanks for the love but our journey ends here.
5. I am glad that I met you, you are a chapter in my life that I am closing now to write a new one.
6. It’s been a ride with you. I am sorry and I am grateful and I am happy. Have a good life.
How To Let Go Of Someone You Love – Recap
Learning how to let go of someone you love has never been easy, it’s always a painful process but rest assured, you will find the light you need, the joy that you desire. These are the things that you need to lead a beautiful life. So never feel bad about having to let go, rather embrace the positives and accept all the amazing things the world has to offer.
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