In my single days, I remember looking at couples closely and trying to see if they are happy or not.
On the outside, it looked all green and rosy not until I was opportune to stay with one and then I discovered that on the outside it all appeared green and rosy but away from the prying eyes of the public you would think they were just keeping up appearances.
Then I decided to go on research to discover what makes a relationship work and how to be a happy couple.
The first thing I discovered is that relationship requires some effort and patience. I used to think that love was enough, as long as you love me, all will be fine but I found out sooner than later that this isn’t true.
Love can get tired and weary if it is not followed up with some level of action. I do not claim to have all the answers but I will be sharing a little of my personal experiences mingled with my research on habits of happy couples.
Another point worthy of note is that no one can make us happy but we can find happiness when we discover we are and we are whole in ourselves.
If you are a grumpy individual, being in a relationship may not make you happy as you will face a lot of pressure being with an imperfect being as no one is perfect. What then are the habits of happy couples?
1. They Do Not Hesitate To Express Their Heartfelt Love For Each Other
Happy couples always seize the moments either in public or in private to remind each other of how much they love their partners. This isn’t pretence or make-belief but real love. They search out every opportunity to celebrate their partners by telling them how much they love them.
Happy couples are intentional people who amid imperfection search out qualities to relate with and still fall in love with. Therefore they are reminded always of how much their partners mean to them.
They do not forget to say it before going to bed, when they wake up, when they take their calls and even before dropping their calls. Everyone wants to love and be loved and happy couples know this very well.
2. They Make Their Partners A Priority
This isn’t about cancelling events just to show up for their partners but intentionally creating room so they can be with the one they love.
It’s easy to get caught up with activities and give the excuse of making it up to them later, but one of the habits of happy couples is that despite their schedules they make sure that they make time for each other.
They try to show up for dinner so they can have it together, they check up on them over the phone when they are away, they give prior information and not leave their partners in the dark when any of their plans change, they don’t accept falling into a routine of being too busy to connect with their partners, they always make room for them and prioritize them even in decision making.
Sometimes it may not be convenient but they go out of their way to keep their spouses happy by making out time to be with them.
The trick is that there is a possibility of losing each other when you allow a chasm develops between you two out of being busy, but it’s easier to recognise and close it up when you are sowing little seeds of mindless by taking advantage of little opportunities to be with the love of your life.
The truth is that you may never have time to spend a full day with your lover due to circumstances beyond your control but you can make good use of the few minutes and seconds to make your partner happy by being with them.
3. They Touch Each Other
A little massage, hug, a pat on the back, a high five or even some cuddling is one of the habits of happy couples. This may sound too simple that you begin to wonder what effect this will have on a couple.
Research has it that as humans we need some amount of touches per day to help us feel good. It also records that there is a feel-good hormone that is released whenever we are in contact with our loved ones.
A touch says I’m here, I will protect you, I identify with you, I love you, I care about you and I can’t do without you. Sometimes I wonder how people cope with loveless relationships, especially people who are in relationships out of pity or for one selfish reason or another.
Happy couples know that their partner is an extension of them and they don’t hold back in touching, hugging and even kissing to let them know they care about them.
4. They Understand Each Other
Now don’t get me wrong, misunderstandings will always arise since you are two separate individuals but as time goes on how you handle it and settle shows that you have grown and now understand each other.
Women make the mistake of thinking they know the men when in fact they don’t. Conflicts are reduced to the barest minimum when you understand the basic needs of your partner and also understand their love language.
Every man loves to be respected, praised, acknowledged and understood while women want to be loved, shown care and given gifts. Lack of this understanding will keep causing friction.
Kindly get the book “the five love languages” and you will be grateful you did. It will expose you to the fact that you and your partner gives and accepts love differently and until it is done on their terms, you may not get the best of them. This isn’t selfishness but understanding.
As amazing as this may appear, it is true that we don’t love the same way and not recognising this early will cause a great deal of hurt to not just you but your partner.
Being in a position in society demanded that respect be shown to him in every area. As soon as I discovered it, the constant arguments reduced drastically.
Now I’m not saying he demanded respect because of his social standing but most men have an ego and want to be respected. He isn’t a chauvinist but loves it when I show him some courtesy as the head of the home in every ramification including decision making.
For your relationship, it may be different, which is why I encourage you to go get a copy of the book and also read “men are from Mars and women are from Venus”.
When you discover your partner’s love language and follow it through, you will discover the weight that will lift off you as you will discover you have been doing the right thing the wrong way. You will think your partner had changed but it is you who have found out new ways to love them and also receive love.
5. They Communicate
Assumption causes a lot of misunderstandings in relationships where partners are not open and don’t communicate.
Sometimes we assume that our partners should understand what we are going through when we don’t say it. Our partners are not psychic neither are they mind readers.
Being able to unburden and speak to our partners is one of the habits of happy couples. Communication gives life to every relationship because it grants you access to knowing your spouse deeper and also understand them.
Happy couples talk about the reins and lose successes and failures. They don’t hesitate to share their deepest burdens. Dialogue should go beyond question and answer into deep soul-searching discussions that will help them understand themselves.
Communication helps you know the likes, dislikes, opinions and personality of your partner. We should also learn to appreciate our partners when they make us happy and not berate them when they act out of order. Praise your partner when they assist with chores or go out of their way to make sacrifices for us.
6. They Have Fun Together
7. They Make Sacrifices
Loving isn’t easy as it takes a lot from you. It entails you giving sometimes till you are spent. You don’t back out on your partner when there is a challenge. As you go through good times together, you also endure hard and trying times also and don’t hide or cower in shame but hold your head high.
Memories are created from sacrifices made which forms a great bond making your partner want to reciprocate and remain with you. Habits of happy couples involve not giving up on each other despite life challenges.
8. They Create Their Couples Ritual
Believe it or not, there are things peculiar to certain relationships. One of the habits of happy couples is that they create their rituals. Fun activities that they have found joy carrying out.
It could be having a surprise night out together, taking long walks, playing games or even going on vacations together. They do things that they enjoy together.
I guess you’re wondering how your relationship can become like the ones stated above. Happiness is relative and means different things to different people. what’s yours?
These habits of healthy couples are not limited to what’s written as you can always create yours. What other habits do happy couples have?
They create time for intimacy, they forgive themselves without holding on to hurts, they give gifts to each other and appreciate one another. How about listening to your spouse? This sounds very easy but it’s difficult to just sit and listen even when your spouse isn’t making sense.
When your partner is hurt, how patient are you to listen when your faults are being listed? How do you handle pain when you are misunderstood by your mate? Being a happy couple is a work in progress. It is worked at not wished or even assume.
There is no borderline between being happy and unhappy, it’s either you’re happy or unhappy. Make an effort to work on the steps listed above, including yours and you will be glad you did as your relationship will take a new turn.
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