With the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to lose sight of the foundational elements that keep a marriage strong and thriving. That’s why I’ve distilled the wisdom of countless happy couples into 13 Golden Rules—a set of practical tips designed to help you and your spouse maintain a loving, healthy relationship through the years.
Whether you’re newlyweds setting out on your journey together or seasoned partners looking to rekindle your bond, these golden rules for a happy marriage are what you need to make your marriage long-lasting.
What Are The Unwritten Rules Of A Happy Marriage?
The unwritten rule of a happy marriage is to treat your partner as you would like to be treated. This involves being kind to your partner, being intentional, listening to your partner, understanding your partner, respecting your partner, and putting in the effort to cultivate a friendship with your partner.
13 Golden Rules For A Happy Marriage That Lasts
These rules for a happy marriage, if applied to your relationship, can help ensure a long-lasting partnership, all things being equal.
1. Communication Is Key
Communication is the reason you realized your partner is the person for you. Through communication, you saw that their values and mindset aligned with yours, which is why you took the further step of asking your partner out or saying yes.
Consistent communication is how you get to know a person, how you warm your way into someone’s heart, and it’s very important to understand that one of the golden rules for a happy marriage is communication. If you do not communicate with your partner, you are setting your marriage up for failure.
There is a form of intimacy that comes with communication, and that is emotional intimacy. You can be physically close to anyone, and that’s the end of it, but the emotional intimacy that comes with communication is hard to find because it takes time to build.
So, if you truly want to sustain your marriage, you need to be emotionally intimate with your partner, which involves communicating your fears, hopes, activities, opinions, and philosophy with your partner, letting them in, and being vulnerable.
If you need ideas on how to communicate more with your partner, here are some great communication exercises I have written just for you.
2. Respect Each Other’s Opinions And Differences
You need to understand that your partner comes from a different background than you and is different from you. Even if your partner was born in the same state and area as you, they have a different mindset concerning things, which is very normal because no two humans are the same.
So, it’s a given that your partner will have opinions different from yours and will have a different attitude. Understanding this is one of the rules for a successful marriage. However, what becomes a problem is when you refuse to accept that they can have a different opinion from you because this can lead to a lot of conflict.
You can love your partner without necessarily changing your partner to fit your taste or enforcing your opinions on them.
Rather than expending your strength on getting your partner to agree with you, find common ground to compromise, thus making your partner feel heard and respected.
3. Keep The Romance Alive Through Small Gestures And Surprises
One of the unwritten rules for building a happy marriage is mastering the art of small gestures and surprises.
Small gestures and surprises are little but very loud ways of communicating how much you love your partner without necessarily saying anything and they say actions are louder than voices, this applies well in this context.
It’s important to learn how to make your partner feel loved and special at unexpected times and places. Consistently doing so ensures that your partner remains aware of your love and your willingness to do anything for them. This kindness often inspires them to reciprocate, thus enhancing the overall quality of your marriage.
You should strive to do things for your partner that make them feel like they are the only one in the world. If you’re looking for ideas on small gestures and surprises to wow your partner from time to time, here are some thoughtful suggestions I’ve compiled.
4. Practice Forgiveness And Let Go Of Grudges
As a marriage counselor, I have seen the best of love stories that ceased to flourish because of a lack of forgiveness.
These love stories are stories that are way more poetic and romantic than that of Romeo and Juliet or Bonnie and Clyde but in the end were unable to flourish because both partners lacked vital skills that are important in sustaining marriage; learning to forgive and letting go of grudges.
One of the subtler unwritten rules in this particular aspect is to first get rid of the notion that your partner is perfect. This mindset prepares you to accept that your partner will make mistakes, and when they do, it makes it easier for you to forgive them because you understand that they are not infallible.
It also becomes easier to let go of grudges because you have recognized how wonderful your partner is, and you see that this is just a minor flaw which, if not addressed, could ruin everything in your relationship.
5. Support Each Other’s Goals And Dreams
You both must support each other’s goals and dreams. It’s important that you allow each other to grow.
There is nothing as beautiful as allowing your partner to grow and become a better version of themselves. This is something that makes your partner more aware of you, and in the end, you are the one who takes the credit because you get to enjoy the best version of your partner.
As a marriage counselor, I have come across so many issues. I once met a woman whose husband did not allow her to work and achieve anything. She was financially dependent on him, and against her will, she had to be the stay-at-home spouse.
All her efforts to establish a business or get a job were met with significant backlash from her husband. This culminated in a sense of frustration and dissatisfaction that, on the 25th anniversary of their marriage, she took a bow out of their marriage, ending the marriage.
One of the rules for a happy marriage is being supportive.
6. Spend Quality Time Together Regularly
You must spend quality time with your partner because this is one of the keys to a happy marriage.
I have seen couples who claim that they are too busy to spend time with their partner. However, I have also seen busy couples who explain the mechanics of how they structure their lives in such a way that, no matter how busy work gets, they still spend quality time with their partner.
Spending quality time with your partner is a question of how intentional you are about it.
Your care and desire to spend quality time will stand out, especially when, during a busy day, you take 5 minutes out of your lunch break to call and check up on your partner.
Ensure that the last thing you do before you fall asleep is to have a small conversation with your partner, even if you are tired. This is one of the late night at-home date ideas you need to inculcate if you truly want to sustain your marriage because it’s one of the things that will enhance the quality of your relationship.
7. Be Honest And Transparent With Each Other
There is nothing as beautiful as being honest and transparent with your partner.
It’s more sustainable to be transparent with your partner because you don’t want to present a version of yourself that your partner does not realize is fake. You don’t want to be the person who is deemed perfect but, in the end, has a tragic human flaw.
One of the rules for a happy marriage is transparency, and that is something you want to maintain with your partner.
One of my clients had issues with his wife, primarily financial. Because he had not discussed his financial capacity with his wife and had acquiesced to her demands a few times, she believed he had ample money and was always asking him for designer items.
His inability to meet her requests came off to her as him being uncaring, and he was not exactly forthcoming with explanations for fear of being seen as less.
The first question I asked was whether his wife knew how much he earned, and he said no. I encouraged him to be open, and when he finally did, his wife gladly adjusted and would only ask for things she knew her husband could afford.
By being honest, you give your partner the chance to support you and complement you.
8. Prioritize Each Other’s Happiness And Well-Being
You need to prioritize each other’s happiness and well-being as this is one of the rules for a happy marriage.
Your inability to prioritize each other’s well-being means that you do not love and care for your partner. One of the things that you will do is to put your partner’s needs before yours and make sure that they are satisfied because this is someone that you claim to love and cherish.
This person is someone that you don’t ever want to lose, so it’s important to make them feel special and valued and prioritize their happiness by looking after their physical and mental well-being to see how well they are doing and if there’s anything they have issues with, extend the hand of help.
Prioritizing each other’s happiness is one of the ways that you strengthen your bond and is one of the marriage rules that couples should follow every day.
9. Work Together As A Team To Tackle Challenges
One of the most beautiful parts of a wedding is when you exchange vows because they represent a promise to your partner that you will always be there for them, in both rain and sunshine, and will ride through the storms together.
These ideas are coated in the phrase “for better or for worse”. What this means is that in the face of challenges, you need to tackle them with your partner. You cannot tackle your challenges separately; united, you both stand, but divided, you both fall.
Tackling challenges together just creates that beautiful spirit of teamwork and collaboration that can enhance the quality of your marriage, which is one of the keys to a happy union.
10. Show Appreciation And Gratitude For Each Other
One of the crucial rules that long-lasting couples swear by is showing appreciation and gratitude for each other.
You must share with your partner how grateful you are for them. Do this regularly because it always feels new to have your partner thank you. It shows that you are not ungrateful; truly, you fully recognize the value of what you have, and as such, you appreciate it.
11. Keep The Intimacy Alive, Both Emotionally And Physically
You need to learn how to keep the intimacy alive by having conversations.
It’s very important to have conversations and spend quality time together because this is how you become more intimate with your partner and build a bond that is difficult to break.
Also, maintaining intimacy is having spontaneous s#x regularly, giving your partner a massage, and engaging in subtle touches and kisses.
12. Maintain A Sense Of Humor And Don’t Take Yourselves Too Seriously
A sense of humor is very important when it comes to marriage. You don’t want to get married to someone who thinks they are in a fighting ring and reacts to everything negatively.
One of the rules for a happy marriage is that you don’t take yourself too seriously. It’s important to know when to be serious and when to lighten up.
Learn to play, to be happy, and to be childish with your partner, and learn to do funny things that will contribute to the health of your marriage. All work and no play makes a marriage boring.
13. Continuously Invest In Your Relationship Through Learning And Growth Together
One of the golden rules for a successful marriage is for couples to continuously invest in their relationship through learning and growth together. This can change your life in meaningful ways, and it is something you need to do with your partner if you truly want to be happy.
You need to learn how to improve your marriage by evolving and letting go of certain habits that you know will harm your marriage in the long run.
Golden Rules For A Happy Marriage – Final Thoughts
These golden marriage rules for couples will help you become a better lover, a better version of yourself, be more in love with your partner, and have a marriage that is sustainable and envied by all.
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