Our existence is characterized by our relationships. Relationships are very important because man is a social animal and no one is an island. Generally, it is advised that we surround ourselves with relationships, however, not all relationships are beneficial. They affect our well-being and affect our mental health. These are the kinds of relationships that are laden with red flags.
The problem with subtle red flags in a relationship is not that we cannot see them but most times we are unable to recognize them for what it is, and this is why I have written this piece to teach you how to recognize common red flags in relationships because there are red flags that are very important, and these are the red flags in relationships that must not be ignored.
What Are Red Flags In A Relationship?
Red flags in relationships are unhealthy and manipulative behavior that leaves your mental health damaged. Red flags in relationships include insults, criticism, extreme jealousy, gaslighting, physical abuse, and addiction.
15 Red Flags In Relationships You Shouldn’t Ignore
These relationship red flags you should never ignore are very important because ignoring them can damage your well-being to an irreparable extent.
1. Lack Of Trust
Lack of trust is one of the red flags in relationship that you must not ignore. I was once in a relationship with a man whose belief was that all women cheat. When I discovered he did not trust me, I could not stay with him because it didn’t matter what I did, I was always accused of infidelity.
When your partner doesn’t trust you, it puts you on edge and most times you have to explain yourself even when it’s unnecessary.
2. Frequent Criticism Or Insults
A client of mine was a victim of verbal abuse and it really affected her self-esteem. It was so bad that at very frequent intervals she was always saying sorry.
One of the toxic relationship red flags is when your partner or your lover is always criticizing or insulting you. It is something you shouldn’t let slide because you might think that it does not matter. The problem is that if they keep at it consistently, their words begin to register somewhere in your subconscious and before you know it, you will begin to see yourself through those words.
3. Controlling Behavior
Nothing is as terrible as controlling behavior. Normally, children who are from authoritative homes always end up moving out quicker from their homes because they want to be free from the clutches of their parents and in some ways, it affects their self-esteem.
When you have two adults in a relationship and one is controlling, that is one of the big red flags in relationship because that person’s attitude would affect you in the long run; in terms of your dreams, career, and social life. You really will not be able to do much, controlling people are usually selfish.
4. Disrespectful Or Dismissive Attitude
We all want to be with people that value our feelings and our words. One of the things that makes a relationship healthy is knowing that your partner values the words of your mouth. So if you’re in a relationship where your partner does not respect you or is dismissive of you, that is one of the relationship red flags you shouldn’t ignore.
People always say that what a man needs is respect and what a woman needs is love. This is an erroneous point of view because your basic right as a human is foremost; respect.
Regardless of being a woman, your partner should respect you because you are a human first and secondly, his lover.
Biggest Red Flags In Relationships
5. Manipulation And Gaslighting
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist or you’ve ever been in a relationship with one. You would realize that their common tool of superiority is gas-lighting. Gaslighting is when your partner turns something that is supposed to be his fault and makes it your fault, and you end up apologizing for something that is not your fault.
Now, it is advised that in relationships even when you are not at fault you are to apologize just to let peace reign. When you find yourself apologizing consistently for something that is not your fault, it is called gaslighting and your partner is also manipulating you into thinking that you are at fault. Consistency with this affects your self-esteem because you are unable to speak.
Also, when your right is being trampled on, it affects your ability to communicate because each time you want to express your grievances you end up rethinking it. This is one of the biggest red flags in relationships.
6. Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is one of the worst red flags in relationship that if you ignore, it can do irreparable damage to you.
A previous client of mine had a partner who was always beating her. Of course, it didn’t start with beating, he started with a shove and graduated to a slap, and from there it went to full-blown assault.
It has affected my client so much that she had a problem settling down with another man, she had a problem meeting new people and she had the problem of being confident.
7. Inconsistent Or Unreliable Behavior
One of the beauties of spending time with someone is that overtime you can predict their actions, you know what they like, and what they dislike, and this sort of brings you to that level in your relationship where you are in tune with each other.
One of the relationship red flags that you must not ignore is when you are with an inconsistent partner. Inconsistent with their dreams, activities, actions, emotions, words, and lifestyles. Inconsistency screams indiscipline and this is something that if you want to have a long time relationship, you must not ignore.
Inconsistent behavior keeps you on your toes because you will always be at that level where you feel like you are dating a stranger. Inconsistent behavior is bad because you will find it difficult to trust your partner and when you cannot even trust your partner why are you in the relationship?
Common Red Flags In Relationships
8. Lack Of Communication
One of the red flags in relationship you should not ignore is his lack of communication. When you are having problems communicating with your partner and you’ve tried every possible means to communicate and it seems difficult then it’s time for you to walk away from that relationship.
You might want to consider this as one of the signs that your relationship is over because communication is the foundation of every relationship, and if you’re in a relationship where you are not communicating then what are you building?
9. Excessive Jealousy Or Possessiveness
Red flags in relationship that you must not let slide is excessive jealousy or possessiveness.
We all want to be made to feel like we belong to someone. While a little bit of possessiveness is cute, extreme possessiveness is a total turn-off because you have your partner stalking you with phone calls, following you everywhere you go, or asking you questions about everyone you talk to. This is a huge red flag in relationship that must be avoided.
10. Financial Irresponsibility
Financial responsibility is one of the worst types of red flags in a relationship that you must not ignore. An adult should know how to make, manage and multiply money. This is one of the things that characterizes easy living in adulthood.
Financially irresponsible people are the perfect representation of the adage that says “a fool and his money are soon parted”. Especially for men, financial irresponsibility is a red flag that you must not ignore as a woman if you want a long-term relationship that leads to marriage.
You need to realize that money is an important part of marriage and if you’re married to somebody who spends recklessly and is lazy, you will end up frustrated, angry, and bitter.
Early Red Flags In A Relationship
11. Substance Abuse Or Addiction
Never think that you can change someone because it’s not in your power to change someone. Substance abuse is one of the early red flags in a relationship that most women find in their partner and delude themselves into thinking that they can change their partner, only to find out that this is something that only their partner can decide to change.
I had a client who fell in love with a dr#ggie, she thought she could fix him and before she knew it, she was abusing substances with him. This affected her so much that she was laid off from work, she depended on selling her body just to be able to access these drugs.
The lightbulb moment came when she found herself in a near-death experience and realized that it was time that she changed. This was a red flag she could have taken seriously at the start of a relationship but she did not. If they refuse to change after some time, make your exit.
12. Lack Of Empathy
Lack of empathy is one of the biggest red flags in relationship that you must not ignore if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, something that leads to marriage. You need someone who can put themselves in your shoes.
As a woman, you will get married and responsibilities would abound that would make you forget yourself. Consequently, you might add weight, fall sick, and look unattractive sometimes. An empathetic partner would help you get through all these times.
When you don’t have a partner who can put themselves in your shoes and understand what you are going through, you will be unloved and let down.
13. Constant Conflicts And Unresolved Issues
It’s a truism that no relationship is devoid of quarrels. If you are in a relationship where it is one conflict to the other then it might just be a sign that your relationship is over and that he is no longer into you.
When you have constant conflicts, it affects the smooth running of your relationship. When you have unresolved issues, it gives the relationship a shaky structure because anything can trigger whatever has been buried underneath.
Toxic Relationship Red Flags
14. Unwillingness To Compromise
When you have a partner who is so rigid and set in their ways, you are going to have a lot of problems living together and understanding each other.
One of the most important traits of a living thing is adaptability. So when you have a partner who is unable to adapt to certain situations, is set in their ways and is so rigid that they maintain the same attitude no matter the circumstances, it will affect you and the health of that relationship.
A partner who is unwilling to compromise has a fixed mindset and they’re the kind of people that you cannot stay with because as humans we learn every day. Being in a relationship with somebody unwilling to learn and change for the better is useless. It’s one of the red flags to watch out for in your relationship and is a sign that you need to get out of that relationship.
15. Dishonesty Or Secret-Keeping
I found myself in a relationship with someone who found it difficult to tell me his exact location or was always changing his plans. For me, it was a huge turn-off because I knew what I wanted. I want transparency, I want to know what’s going on with you, I want to know where you are in your life. It wasn’t difficult for me to let go of that person.
Dishonesty is a vice that is generally discouraged in normal relationships and is one of the red flags to look out for in a relationship. How much more a romantic relationship where you have to be vulnerable and you have to be transparent just to attain a certain level of intimacy? When you have a partner who is dishonest and keeps secrets from you, you should definitely consider taking a walk.
How To Approach Red Flags In A Relationship
Approaching red flags in a relationship can be pretty dicey because you might not really recognize them or you might feel that they are not much of a big deal like financial red flags in a relationship, and relationship communication red flags. However, the focus is long-term. How does this affect me in the long term?
1. Acknowledge The Red Flags
You might have difficulty accepting that this is a red flag. If you do, what you can do is consult sources to know if it is truly a red flag. If you find out that this is a red flag, you have to accept that it is a red flag because refusing to accept it is choosing to ignore it.
2. Communicate Your Concerns
Taking a walk immediately is not always advisable. Your partner might not know that he or she is exhibiting a red flag. So communicate your concerns regarding the red flag, and watch their response moving forward.
3. Set Boundaries
One of the functions of a government is that they set boundaries to prevent external aggression. Since you are an entity and you need to set boundaries around yourself just to prevent people from encroaching on your well-being including your partner.
When you notice the red flag, you have to set your boundaries because if you don’t set your boundaries, your partner will keep walking all over you and you will not be able to do anything about it.
4. Seek Support From Trusted Individuals
If you are confused about what to do, you can talk to your friends, your family, your colleague, and even a therapist. The most important thing is that this is a trusted individual and you are sure that they can help you.
Seeking support from trusted individuals is a very important way to approach red flags because sometimes you might not see it the way you should see it but they help you put it in a proper perspective in which you can come to a decision.
5. Assess Their Response
You have communicated your concerns to your partner. You must look out for their response because this is what determines if your partner prioritizes your feelings and is willing to change for the better.
6. Make Informed Decisions
At this point, you must have done everything that you can do. The first thing you need to do is to prioritize your well-being, you need to look out for yourself and put yourself first because if you don’t put yourself first nobody else will. At this point, you know that leaving is quite important for you because it would save you.
In summary: Toxic Relationship Red Flags
These relationship red flags are what you need to identify because they can affect you in the nearest future. You love that person so much but the truth is love is a variable that is affected by other variables such as trust, care, respect, empathy, and honesty. When these variables are not in place, it affects your love because your love will not stand the test of time.
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