What if it’s not exactly red? It can be burgundy, carmine, chilli red or wine red. Distinguishing between these shades of red on a typical day can be challenging. It works the same way when it comes to spotting the red flags in your relationship.
It is easier to spot the red flags in other people’s relationships but when it comes to ours, it’s harder because we are blinded by our emotions. It’s difficult to view our relationship in an objective light because love is blind. So in that sense, you might just be too in love to realize that certain behaviors are unhealthy for you.
If you are having issues spotting these red flags in men, this post will make it very easy to spot them like spotting black and white.
What Are Red Flags In A Man?
Red flags in a man are warning signs that indicate unhealthy and manipulative attitudes or behavior that has the capability of affecting not only you in terms of your self-esteem but also your interpersonal relationships and can destroy your romantic relationship.
16 Red Flags In Men To Avoid At All Costs
These red flags in men to avoid at all cost is based on my years of experience as a counselor who has helped many ladies walk away from abusive and toxic relationships.
1. He Lacks Respect
One of the red flags in men is to avoid those who lack respect. On an interpersonal level, a man who doesn’t see the need to respect people who are below or above him is not a good choice for you because one of the things that our society thrives on is respect.
Now on the personal level, which connotes your romantic relationship with him. If your man does not respect your opinion, does not respect you for who you are, discards your opinions and crosses your boundaries. It shows a lack of respect and this might be one of the signs he is not a desirable man.
2. He Is Controlling
There will always be a thin line between a man who is dominant and a man who is controlling. The most important thing to know is that a controlling attitude comes from a place of selfishness because a man who is controlling will literally stifle your dreams, stifle your relationship with others, and might even end up suffocating whatever you both have together. This is one of the big red flags in men you should avoid.
3. He Is Dishonest
During my dating days, one of the reasons why I didn’t end up with a certain guy was because he was dishonest, not only that, he lied for the flimsiest reasons.
Dishonesty is something that is discouraged in everyday relationships, so how much more, in a romantic relationship where you have to trust that man with all of your heart and the best he can give you in return is to lie to you at every point in time? This is one of the biggest red flags in a guy to avoid.
4. He Is Quick To Get Angry
The last person you want to be in a relationship with is someone quick to anger. There’s nothing wrong with getting angry from time to time. What is wrong is being set off by the littlest things and not knowing how to control the anger.
This is one of the alarming red flags in men to avoid because you have to walk on eggshells every day. You don’t know what would make him upset or what would make him annoyed and at this point, you have to be a version of yourself that you do not know.
You need to learn how to let go of this kind of man for your own good.
5. He Is Unwilling To Communicate
Unwillingness to communicate is one of the big dating red flags in men that you should avoid because communication is one of the core foundations of a relationship.
No relationship can thrive without quality communication. So if you find yourself with a partner who keeps malice with you and does not believe in expressing their displeasure through verbal communication rather than allowing it to fester inside of him, this is a big red flag that you must avoid because it’s a sign of low emotional intelligence.
Biggest Red Flags In A Guy
6. He Is Consistently Unreliable
A partner that you cannot always trust to come through for you is not a partner. He is just an acquaintance because one of the things that makes a romantic relationship stronger is that your man is your friend before your lover.
A friend in need is a friend indeed; a friend is a companion. So each time that you have one or two issues and that person cannot come through for you, this is one of the red flags in men you should never ignore because one day it will matter and they won’t be there.
7. He Shows Disregard For Your Feelings
One of the reasons why we last longer with some certain set of people and do not with others is that they validate our feelings. They make us feel accepted, loved, and respected and they take our feelings into account. This affects their conduct towards us.
One of the clear red flags in a relationship with a man is one who disregards your feelings, invalidates them or downplays them. The man you end up with must be somebody who regards your feelings.
8. He Is Constantly Criticizing You
Constantly criticizing you is not a sign that you are a terrible person, it might just be a sign that he does not respect your person and is not fit for you. This is one of the red flags in men to avoid.
There is a fine line between criticizing you and talking down on you. Constructive criticism is okay but constantly criticizing you, and using hurtful words that brings you down is a red flag you should not ignore because most times it will leave you feeling less of yourself.
9. He Is Secretive Or Evasive
You should honestly have nothing to do with a secretive man because it just goes to show that he does not trust you and consequently, you cannot trust him which makes this one of the big deal breakers in a relationship.
The world is filled with all kinds of people and the last person you want to end up with is a dr#g dealer or a bad person. This is one of the common red flags in men that you must avoid.
Red Flags In A Relationship With A Man
10. He Is Rarely Affectionate
As humans we need love, we need to be reminded that we are special, loved and respected. This should come more, especially from our romantic partners.
One of the red flags in men to avoid is when your man who claims to love you is rarely affectionate and does not take the time to show and express his love for you in words and actions.
When you are with someone who is rarely affectionate, you will settle for crumbs, so why settle for someone emotionally unavailable and unwilling to show you that they are thinking about you and truly love you?
11. He Has Substance Ab#se Problems
The last kind of person you should end up with is somebody who has a substance ab#se problem. This is one of the top toxic red flags in men. If you have a messiah complex, the compulsive need to be the one to change him and bring him back on the right path, you should abort that mission. The truth is, bad communication will always corrupt good manners.
You must avoid men struggling with substance ab#se because you can think you can change them only to find out that they are the ones who have had an effect on you and you are leading the same kind of lives they are leading. Plus this can get you into trouble with law enforcement and I’m sure you do not want to ruin or jeopardize your life with that kind of a situation.
12. He Avoids Commitment
A man who avoids commitment is not worthy of sacrifices, emotions, feelings, time, attention, and commitments.
It’s very important to note that one of the things that makes a relationship solid is his commitment, that is, the desire to see that relationship thrive.
So if you are in a relationship with a man who is avoiding commitment and would rather be friends with benefits but expects sacrifices from you is one of the toxic signs in a relationship and one of the top red flags in men to avoid because, in the end, you would end up feeling frustrated, angry and hurt.
13. He Is Always Canceling Plans
A man who is always canceling plans and standing you up does not respect you nor respect your time. I understand that he might be busy but busy for how long? Where then is the place for sacrifice because sacrifice is what people who are in love with each other do for one another consciously and unconsciously.
So if your man is always placing everything before you and is not making you a priority, it could be one of the signs that he is not into you and is one of the biggest red flags in men.
Dating Red Flags In Men
14. He Is A Negative Influence On You
One of the things our romantic relationships should do is they should influence us positively and help us become better versions of ourselves.
A man who influences you negatively with toxic words, toxic attitudes, a pessimistic style of thinking, and add#ctions like alcoholism, s#xual add#ction and substance add#ction is one of the red flags in guys that you want to run away from.
15. He Shows Disinterest In Your Goals
A romantic partner is otherwise known as a companion. A companion is somebody who is with you every step of the way in fulfilling your dreams, goals, career, and every area of your life.
A companion is somebody who you can always rely on, trust, and talk to and they are there for you. One of the red flags in men you should avoid is a man who does not show interest in your goals and doesn’t care about where you are going in life.
Men are visionary people and as such if he truly loves you, he will want to know where you are headed in life so he can take that journey with you.
16. He Lacks Empathy
Empathy is everything in a relationship. Empathy is what makes you know that you are heard, accepted, loved, special, and understood. Empathy is what makes your partner your safe space because you know that they can see things from your point of view and they are not out to judge you.
One of the most important red flags in men to avoid is a man who lacks empathy.
How To Address Red Flags You Notice In A Guy
These ways on how to address red flags in men you should never ignore are exactly the things that you need to help that relationship get better.
1. Communicate Your Concerns
The first thing that you should do when you notice a red flag is you communicate your concerns. You tell him about what is wrong and it’s very important that you put it in a constructive way that will help him see it and at the same time not make him feel attacked.
2. Trust Your Instincts
Sometimes it will not make sense but trusting your instincts will pay off in the long run, so you must trust your gut even when it’s looking like it is not that deep.
3. Set Boundaries
One of the things you need to do is to set boundaries because setting boundaries ensures that your self-respect and your personal space are not invaded. Men will always respect a woman who sets boundaries and would not allow men to walk all over her.
4. Pay Attention To Actions
Ensure that he has changed by paying attention to his actions. Do not take him for his word. Watch his actions because actions always speak louder than words.
5. Seek Advice From Friends
Seeking advice from friends is a good thing to do because you might not know your man is toxic, and as such, they can help you point it out.
6. Evaluate The Relationship
Evaluate the relationship and see if it has influenced you positively. When you reflect, you will be able to know if that relationship is toxic or not and see the red flags to watch out for in a man.
7. Prioritize Self-Care
One of the things that you should do is to put yourself first. You should understand that in the end, if everything goes south, you will be the one left with the pain, so you need to prioritize your mental health.
8. Consider Professional Help
You can never go wrong with considering professional help because this is what helps you have a better relationship. Personally, a counselor is so good in many ways because you are even able to see yourself objectively and have the right perspective on things.
Red Flags In Men To Avoid: Recap
Red flags are there for a reason, so you can see them and take appropriate action. A relationship does not go south in one day, there are sequences of actions that lead to its demise. Spotting red flags in men in a relationship is important for your good.
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