As a marriage and relationship therapist, I have had many of my clients ask me “How to let go of someone you love?” The answer will always be different for different contexts. One constant is, moving on is hard, it requires a lot of hard work and a lot of effort to stop loving someone.
Having to move on and learning how to forget that person you love deeply is often a process that many people would rather not go through and this is why most people would rather want to remain in that relationship. Life does not work this way because in some cases, moving on is the best option if you are going to make progress in life.
If you have been looking for simple yet powerful ways you can stop loving someone then this post is for you. Based on my years of experience, these tips are the best recommendations on how to stop loving someone.
Can You Ever Stop Loving Someone?
Yes! You can stop loving someone but it will definitely take time, effort, and consistency. It won’t be easy at first but with time, it gets easier to stop loving someone and over time you can look back without any feelings.
Why Is It So Difficult To Stop Loving Someone?
It is very difficult to stop loving someone because love is a very complicated emotion and it is one that you cannot always control. This is because love is a pleasant feeling that no one wants to live without after experiencing it.
15 Ways To Stop Loving Someone And Move On
These 15 ways on how to stop loving someone will help you get started on the journey of healing.
1. Accept Your Feelings
It is often said that half of solving your problems is accepting that there is a problem. Likewise, you need to accept your feelings to get over them.
You need to accept the feelings of love, rejection, hurt and pain. When you’re able to do this, you can now confront those feelings in a way that enables you to get rid of them slowly.
Living in denial would only elongate the process of pain, discomfort and consequently, healing. So you should accept all shades of how you feel because that is how to stop loving someone.
2. Cut Off Contact
Imagine yourself as being overweight and you have decided to lose weight. It is therefore not practical to keep junk in your kitchen or pantry and think that you’ll be able to resist the temptation of eating these things. It is the same way when it comes to trying to stop loving someone and move on.
One of the tips to stop loving someone is to cut off contact with that person. You need to cut off contact because giving them space would help you find that space you need to heal.
Cutting off contact includes stopping all forms of conversation with that person, if possible, unfollowing them on all social media accounts and muting the notification of your mutuals so you don’t see them.
3. Focus On Self-Care
One of the things that you need to do is to focus on self-care. It is an important aspect on how to stop loving someone.
Self-care involves taking yourself out, giving yourself some tender loving care, and taking it easy on yourself. It also entails generally forgiving yourself, spending some quality time with yourself; meditating, and going on walks. You can also go on solo dates like having a staycation, visiting the park, or visiting the bowling alley.
If you need solo dates that would infuse fun in your life, I have written an amazing list of solo date ideas that you would love.
4. Stay Busy With Hobbies
What are the things that you love doing, you are passionate about, you can never get tired of doing and puts you in a better mood every time? It is time to pen them down and get to them.
Staying busy with hobbies is one of the fastest ways on how to stop loving someone you love. Plus, it helps you get your mind off things, affords you the opportunity to meet people and brightens your otherwise gloomy mood.
5. Seek Support From Friends
One of the ways on how to stop loving someone is to seek support from friends. Your friends are there to help you when you are down. Helen Keller once said:
“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark than walk alone in the light.”
An ideal way of moving on is to seek the support of your friends and let them in so that they can share your burdens.
In many cases, seeking support from your friends is more effective than even seeing a therapist because a therapist would only advise you but does not have that affectionate relationship that you share with your friends.
So seek that support from your friends because it is one of the ways to stop loving someone.
How To Stop Loving Someone You Love
6. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is very important because it is how to unlove someone.
Being mindful means that you do not allow your thoughts to stray, you don’t keep thinking about that person.
One of the things that mindfulness does is that it helps you achieve focus. You can shift your focus to the things that matter to you. Apart from that, mindfulness also helps you move on because your thoughts are no longer trained on that person.
7. Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is very important because it’s a way to create room to heal.
Boundaries would help you take a step outside yourself and reflect on things properly. Boundaries help to foster your self-care, protect your mental health, and give you that much-needed control you need to exert over yourself and your emotions.
The importance of boundaries cannot be over-emphasized, it is a skill that you need to cultivate in order to stop loving someone.
8. Delete Reminders
It’s very beautiful that when we are in a relationship, we want to create memories, so most times we take pictures, create a playlist, and have some of their belongings in our house. Now, to move on and completely get over them, you need to delete reminders of them as it is how to unlove someone you truly love.
Deleting reminders is an important aspect of practicing mindfulness. You do not want to have to practice mindfulness for a week or two and suddenly you stumble upon a picture of yourself and that person then you are forced to go down memory lane again just because you stumbled on something that reminded you of that person.
Deleting reminders includes getting rid of your pictures together, and getting rid of mementos that remind you of them.
9. Avoid Idealizing
One of the things that you want to do when you are trying to move on is to avoid idealizing. Idealizing is something that you need to avoid very much if you truly want to move on.
Idealizing is when you keep thinking of all the possibilities of you and that person being together again. Asking questions like, How do I get my ex back? What if I go back? What if I forgive him? Idealizing creates the illusion that will drive you to get back with that person only to be disappointed again.
If you truly want to move on, stop idealizing and practice mindfulness. This is one of the realistic ways on how to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you.
How To Unlove Someone
10. Reflect On The Relationship
No relationship is perfect, most people who are in toxic relationships do not know they are in one because they do not take time to reflect on the quality of their relationship and see the warning signs of a toxic relationship.
One of the most effective tips on how to stop loving someone is to reflect on your relationship. When you reflect on your relationship, you will see red flags you should not ignore. You will see reasons why you should be grateful that you are no longer with that person.
Reflecting on that relationship would help strengthen your resolve not to go back to that relationship. Reflecting on your relationship will leave you more aware of yourself as a person, know your deal breakers, and will help you work on some parts of yourself that you know might have contributed to the demise of your relationship.
If you need to reflect on your relationship, getting a therapist is a good idea because you get to have an objective person in the room.
11. Let Go Of Resentment
Letting go of resentment is an important aspect of how to stop loving someone and move on.
It is not compulsory to let go of your resentment but studies have shown that letting go of resentment is for your good rather than for the person; it frees you from that person’s grip and with time, the effect of their actions on you.
When you hold on to your resentment, you are neither moving forward nor backward. Over time, you will become bitter and this will sour every other aspect of your life.
You need to let go of resentment if you truly want to move on because it is truly when you let them go that you’re able to let yourself go and move on.
12. Forgive And Release
Forgiveness is an important part of emotional healing and forgiveness is not just about forgiving that person who has hurt you.
While it is important that you forgive that person because it’s an important aspect of your healing journey. What is also as important is forgiving yourself because if you don’t forgive yourself you cannot move on. You would blame yourself for things that were your fault and were not your fault.
Forgiveness is one of the most amazing and therapeutic ways on how to stop loving someone who hurt you.
13. Embrace New Opportunities
You should really embrace new opportunities because new opportunities will always show up but if you do not recognize them you won’t be able to grab them. Don’t forget, that a breakup is an opportunity for transformation, it is an opportunity for you to become better and wiser.
One way to do this is to embrace opportunities that would give you a better outlook on life, that would improve your life, help you make amazing changes, meet new people, enjoy new lifestyles and have fun.
Need effective steps to stop loving someone? Embrace new opportunities.
Tips To Stop Loving Someone
14. Redirect Your Thoughts
Redirecting your thoughts is being optimistic because one thing that most people do after they break up is that they become pessimistic about themselves, their person, their future relationships, and their ability to keep a relationship.
The holy book says, “As a man thinketh so is he”. It is perfectly normal to have negative thoughts due to the demise of a relationship but it is dangerous to keep dwelling on it.
Constantly entertaining negative thoughts is not good for you and is not how to stop loving someone.
15. Give It Time
One of the ways on how to stop loving someone and get over that person completely is to give your healing process time. You need to give yourself time to accept your feelings, confront them, overcome them and embrace change.
Healing is a process that should not be rushed, to move on from that person is also going to be a process, so you need to give it time to make your experience more wholesome.
Final Take On How To Stop Loving Someone
A breakup might look like the end of the world, but it’s important to remember that it’s not the end of everything. Instead of dwelling on the pain, view it as a chance to welcome transformation, discover something greater, and grow into a better version of yourself.
These strategies for letting go of someone you love and moving on will guide you toward the most meaningful kind of healing.
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