You are so in love with him, it tears you up now and then. You are so thankful for the good fortune that brought you two together and the deep love you both share, for you; it’s a love union made from heaven. In fact, your love story makes others green with envy, and when he gazes into your eyes, your heart trembles at the reaction he elicits from you.
No matter how perfect your relationship may be at the moment, or how in love you both are, a time will come when he will do things that will annoy and drive you insanely mad.
Yes, as in M- A- D.
He will do things that will make you wish you never met him, things that will make you doubt if you were ever right for each other. It may be hard to believe this at the moment considering that you both are in the moon and over each other. But you will arrive at that place in your relationship journey sooner or later.
So what do you do if and when it happens? Do you blow out of control and hit him back with the full brunt of your feelings, tit for tat? Or you simply conclude that this is a deal-breaker, “No, this guy is not for me and I can’t take this crap from him or any man.”
I live by this mantra – hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
Someone might see preparing for the worst as negative and faithless, but we live in a world that is full of uncertainties; and the best way to maintain sanity is to prepare ahead of certain situations so that when they come, you are not caught unaware. So, how do you respond and remain sane when he drives you to the edge?
Below are the 10 sane steps when he makes you angry.
1. Walk Away
For those who have problems managing their temper, the best thing to do is walk away from the situation.
Conserve your mental, spiritual and emotional energy and walk away. And honestly, it takes maturity and a lot of self-control to walk away when everything in you is screaming to give full reign to your anger.
When we react against our loved ones in anger, we might regret the things we said or did at that moment of weakness. And sometimes, the damage done remains forever.
So, put on your snickers, your phone, earphone and walk out of that scene until your flailing temper cools. A Chinese proverb says, “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.”
Walking away is not a weakness, and neither is it been foolish; it is the wisest thing to do in the situation, for to be angry is to give others the power to punish and emotionally enslave you.
2. Don’t Talk With Anger
The Holy book says, “The tongue is like a little rudder that controls a mighty ship.” Anyone who can exercise control over his tongue can rule a whole city. When we are angry, we might become irrational, so it is best to hold your peace and not talk.
Talking at the wrong time may cause you to hurt your partner, and plant bad seeds in your relationship that will sprout later and cause a bad and unexpected breakup. Many a supposedly great relationship had broken up because of something a partner said some time ago in anger.
Also, he might not understand your message because you are talking with so much anger.
Anger management is really about how we exercise rulership and control over our emotions, especially in those situations that would easily cause anger.
These situations cannot in any way be avoided, and neither can we avoid been angry sometimes. I would say that been angry is perfectly in place and expected as humans. People, family, colleagues, and friends can be so irrational and crazy at times that it is so easy to resign into a state of been constantly angry at the world.
However, you can control the way you react in such situations and one of the best ways to control your reaction is to hold your peace and cease from talking and blurting out the maddening fury within.
3. Make Him Understand
After you are calmed, have a talk with him. Make him understand what it is about his behaviour that made you angry.
Misunderstanding is expected among couples, afterwards, you were not raised the same way. Even if you came out of the same womb as Siamese twins, you don’t perceive things the same way, so offences tend to pop once in a while.
Your ability to manage such offences determines how successful your relationship will be in the long run. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him in a relaxed atmosphere and bare your mind about your true feelings.
4. Listen To Him
He might have a good reason for his behaviour if you hear him out. Men are a unique species of God’s creation with distinctive behavioural and psychological patterns. The same way a man is not designed to wear makeup, so are they also designed to see things differently from women.
Women are more emotional and reactive, while men tend to be analytical in their dealings. Thus, it is not surprising when conflicts arise due to the differences in our make.
So, give him the benefit of doubt; and hear him out. When you allow yourself to hear him, you elicit admiration and respect that deepens your union and prolongs your relationship. Men are creations of ego, who thrives at being respected by their partners.
5. Understand His Point Of View
As a point of emphasis, we should come to a place of understanding that men and women are differently wired, and what you perceive to be significant may just be a small matter to him. When this is well understood, you will be more empathetic in your dealings with him.
He forgot to do his own part of house chores. What if he grew up where they don’t do house chores? He forgot your wedding or birthday anniversary. What if he had a lot of issues he was dealing with at that time? Or, he might possibly not be good with dates.
One mistake most females make is to think that they can change their partners. No. No. No. No one has the power to change another person. People change when time, circumstances, and situations orchestrated by life compel them to.
If you knew he was weak in a particular area when you began your relationship and you still went ahead anyway, why should that now be a cause for concern?
6. Overlook It
Sometimes it is wise to overlook a matter. It takes maturity to do that, but it will help if the matter is overlooked and laid to rest.
Is the matter life-threatening? Will it make you bankrupt? Will it affect your health? Will you still be angry about it in another 48 hours? If the answer is NO to these questions, then it is advisable to allow the matter slide off, so that you can be free to make more creative use of your energy and emotions.
In the end, it costs you more to give yourself to a lower state of anger. King Solomon, the man gifted with great wisdom said, “Discretion will make you slow to anger, but it is to your glory to overlook an offence.”
7. Don’t Approach Him With A Fight
If you approach the matter ready to fight and claim your right, you will put him on the defensive. If you do that, you have lost the battle already.
Take note of what he does that gets you upset, and never go there or let it come to you. Much of living is about being emotionally smart about what to ignore, what to say, how and when to say it, such that the hearer will understand and receive the message you intended to convey.
8. Laugh It Over
Certain men have this streak to make their partners angry with their clumsiness, uncaring lifestyle, forgetfulness, laid back and lackadaisical attitude. If your man falls into these categories, then you have to prep yourself to accept his faults and love him in spite of it. Afterward, no one is perfect, including you.
The best relationships are those who complement each other and fill up where the other party is lacking.
He made you angry? So what? Laugh it off, for it is our inflated egos that make us take offence at every little mistake or misdemeanour. The good news is that if you are patient, if you don’t sweat the small stuff about everything he does, he will change over time to emerge as the ideal mate you have always desired.
9. Give Him Excuses
Someone will have to make sacrifices for peace to reign in any relationship. When you see a successful relationship, be certain that someone had paid the price and made lots of sacrifices. There is a proverb that says “the woman who builds her home is wise.”
Intentionally give excuses for his behaviour. Give him a long rope, for we all grew up in diverse family, cultural and social-economic settings. So it is expected that we will behave differently in diverse situations.
10. Forgive
Anyone who desires to live a long, free and happy life must not carry heavyweights that will make their life journey long, and arduous.
These heavyweights are emotional garbage that sucks up your energy and reduces your productivity. You cannot be at your best state when you harbour anger, revenge, offences and bitterness. In other words, they are cancerous, for not only do they ravage the victim’s health, but also the relationship health.
The genesis of most psychological and physical illnesses people live with today emanated from society’s inability to manage their emotions.
Those who overlook wrongs and forgive easily are emotionally more intelligent, for they have been able to comprehend that managing their emotions is akin to having a peaceful and happy life.
Emotional Intelligence has been analysed to be highly rated than academic Intelligence. In fact, employers of labour rates higher, candidates that possess emotional as against academic Intelligence because they ultimately perform better in the workplace.
He upset you? He failed to meet up to expectations? Your health is more important. Forgive him and move on to better things.
Successful relationships thrive with a lot of sacrifices and are not based on mere love. Love on its own is not adequate to sustain a relationship and make it work in the long run. This explains why you see couples who were in love yesterday and divorced today.
It takes a lot of maturity to exercise patience, to overlook, to accept the other party’s faults, to love the offender, the undeserving, and to forgive.
If you are of the class of, “I can’t take this crap from any man.” Then, you are better off being single because remaining in a relationship involves taking a lot of crap.
If you can endure family members who throw stunts at you every now and then, and be able to accommodate and love them unconditionally; then you must extend the same luxury to your partner who has also become a part of your family.
Couples who remain together in the long term are those who have learnt to manage their emotions and not allow it get the better of them.
We must continually work at our relationships to make them enduring, loving, and solid despite our differences. I’d be reading what step you’ll take when he makes you angry in the comment section.
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