The best marriages are marriages where both partners agree on almost the same set of values in most areas of their lives. One of the things that you want to do before you get married is that you want to ensure that you and your partner are on the same landing page.
Most partners in my decades of counseling do not take into cognizance important marriage deal breakers and this is why they get into marriage and their marriage joins the statistics of failed marriages.
They are not on the same page concerning certain important values that are vital to building their home. These values include character, worldview, family background, and personal development. These are things that affect the health of the marriage in one way or the other.
So to help you with some marriage deal breakers that you need to avoid, I have decided to write this post to ensure that you do not make the same mistake that some other people are making when it comes to their marriage and choice of marital partner.
What Is A Marriage Deal Breaker?
A marriage deal breaker is any attitude, behavior, or worldview that would affect the stability and peace of any marriage. A relationship is a variable that is affected by other variables, so marriage deal breakers are negative variables that affects the health of a relationship or marriage.
What Are The Most Common Marriage Deal-Breakers?
The most common marriage deal-breakers are infidelity, emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial irresponsibility, etc. These are the most common marriage deal breakers because they affect the self-esteem of the other partner and also affect the stability of the marriage.
How To Identify Your Deal Breakers In Marriage
These tips to identify major deal breakers will help you avoid costly mistakes.
- Be Self-Aware
One of the ways to identify marriage deal-breakers is to be self-aware.
Self-awareness comes largely from knowing yourself, lots of reflections and introspections into the kind of person that you are. It involves knowing your weaknesses, your strengths, and your limitations, knowing what does not hurt you and vice versa. All these things contribute to being self-aware.
- Take A Look At Your Past
You need to look at what people have done in the past that has hurt you. This will help you know what your deal breakers are. Looking at the past helps you learn from your mistakes and know what you can and cannot take.
- Connect With More People
When you meet people from all walks of life, you realize that you have deal-breakers because people are different and you will meet amazing people, the good, the bad, the foolish, and the wise. All this will contribute to helping you have a healthier picture of yourself, who you are, and what your deal breakers are because different people will elicit different responses from you.
- Listen To Your Intuition
Sometimes listening to your intuition helps you identify deal breakers. Listen attentively to your intuition if you are in any relationship, don’t act like it does not matter; take it serious.
20 Marriage Deal Breakers To Avoid
Marriage deal breakers are things that you need to look out for because they can affect your marriage in ways that you cannot even begin to imagine.
1. Consistent Lies
Having a partner who is a consistent liar is a deal-breaker that you definitely want to avoid. You don’t want to get married to someone who is always lying because someone who is always lying is somebody that is not honest and is someone that consequently cannot trust.
You need somebody who is truthful because trust and honesty are positive variables in relationship you need to have.
2. Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the top deal breakers in marriage that you definitely want to avoid.
You might think that it does not matter but the truth is that over time when you see your partner cheating on you consistently, it begins to affect your self-esteem subconsciously, and before you know it, you are beginning to doubt yourself and your ability to keep a partner.
Infidelity could be one of the signs that he doesn’t love you anymore.
3. Lack Of Trust
Lack of trust is one of the biggest deal breakers in marriage that you must avoid in your marriage. It goes both ways, if you don’t trust your partner, this is a deal-breaker because your marriage is a place where your trust levels have to be very high if you want to sustain your marriage in the long term.
If your partner does not trust you, it’s a big problem because families trust each other.
4. Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is something you want to avoid because physical abuse can end your life, it can end your career, it can destroy your self-esteem, and it can destroy the way you relate with friends.
As a marriage counselor, I have come across so many women and many men who have suffered abuse at the hands of their partners because the first symptom is their lack of confidence.
5. Emotional Abuse
One of the top marriage deal breakers that you want to avoid is emotional abuse because this is a huge problem that you cannot and you definitely do not want to deal with.
You don’t want to get married to someone who makes hurtful statements and insults you at the slightest chance. You might think that the words do not matter but over time it begins to register in your subconscious and affect you.
I have counseled adults from abusive homes and one common thing is the words they feel do not affect them have a strong hold over them and affect their self-esteem and their relationships.
Biggest Deal Breakers In Marriage
6. Not Thoughtful
If you have a partner who is not thinking of ways to make you feel special or ways to make you feel loved, to be kind and show up for you then this is one of the worst deal breakers in marriage because it is one of the signs he is not into you.
Marriage is full of ups and downs, you need an intentional partner who is willing to show you that they will always be there for you. If you have a partner who isn’t willing to show you that they are there for you then you might want to take a walk.
7. Poor Hygiene
Some grown adults cannot take care of themselves and do not believe in hygiene.
Hygiene is very important when it comes to being an adult and when it comes to being attractive overall. You might want to have kids who would create a lot of mess, the last addition you need is an adult that you have to clean up after.
8. Lack Of Self-Awareness
Somebody who is not self-aware is a child because it’s a child that follows the trend and follows the tide. Self-awareness is very important if you know you care about the stability of your home.
Someone who is driven by the winds of social media and by the opinions of people is the last person that you need to end up with because they don’t understand that marriage is dynamic and external influence is not necessary.
On the marriage deal breakers list, this is one that you must avoid at all cost.
9. Bad Circle Of Friends
This variable should be one of the biggest marriage deal breakers that you want to avoid.
One of the things that I’ve discovered in marriages is that the man or the woman might be a good person but their friends over time would affect the health of the marriage because bad company would always corrupt good manners.
If you find out that your partner’s circle of friends have contrasting values that will affect the stability of your marriage, this might be a sign for you to reconsider taking that leap.
Top Deal Breakers In Marriage
10. Anger Issues
Anger is a healthy emotion but when it’s not properly controlled it becomes an undesirable trait.
One of the things that you want to avoid is a partner who does not believe in controlling their anger and managing their emotions. This is because anger can manifest itself in physical abuse, smashing things, and emotional abuse. So if you don’t want to be in the line of their anger you have to learn how to let go.
11. Lack Of Emotional Maturity
Lack of emotional maturity is something that you want to avoid in any partner because it’s one of the common deal breakers in marriage.
People who lack emotional intelligence do not know how to relate to people, they do not understand the concept of tolerance, and they don’t know how to put people in their place and set boundaries. This can affect the health of your marriage and raising your kids.
12. Unhealthy Lifestyle
You want to avoid somebody with an unhealthy lifestyle, an unhealthy lifestyle is very bad because it can affect the longevity of your partner.
You don’t want to marry somebody who is addicted to dr#gs, alcohol, and s#x. You don’t want to marry somebody who engages in unhealthy eating habits and refuses to stay fit and healthy. This is one of the deal breakers that you must never skip.
13. Religion
Religion is a very important marriage deal-breaker. You want to get married to somebody who has the same values that you have or has respect for the religious values that you hold dear. You don’t want to have a person who questions what you consider the spiritual core of your life.
Common Deal Breakers In Marriage
14. Laziness
One of the things that you want to avoid is laziness. Laziness is a personality trait that is very unattractive in society; it is discouraged. How much more, you get married to somebody who doesn’t believe in working and earning a decent living? This will affect your home and your financial life which makes it a huge deal breaker.
15. Financial Irresponsibility
Financial irresponsibility is one of the marriage deal breakers that you want to avoid because when you have somebody who is financially irresponsible, it will affect your finances.
If you get married to somebody who is not responsible financially, you can say bye-bye to building an empire with that person because that person would spend money on the most useless things and you can never trust him or her financially.
16. Career Goals
- Where do you both see yourself in the next ten years and five years?
- In which city do you both want to settle down?
- What level do you both want to attain career-wise?
- Which is more important; family or career?
These are valid questions that you need to ask. If you believe in being a hands-on parent then you don’t want to be married to somebody who will always be at the war front or somewhere else working. This is an important deal breaker because career affects the quality of marriage.
17. Kid Or No Kids
Everyone’s opinion is valid and what everyone wants to do with their life is valid.
Some people don’t want kids and some people want kids so this is one of the top deal breakers in marriage. You should not assume that you can change your partner’s mind later in marriage; they might still maintain they don’t want to have kids.
Worst Deal Breakers In Marriage
18. Controlling
If you have a partner who is controlling, does not allow you to take a breather, does not allow you to meet with other people, and does not allow you to do your thing. It is high time that you leave the relationship.
One of the things that sustains marriage is the space that each couple gives the other and allows them to breathe.
19. High Maintenance
High maintenance is when you have a partner who always wants fine dining, who wants to use the latest gadget, and the trending designers no matter how expensive it is. This is one of the deal breakers in marriage and it’s one of the huge red flags in relationships, if you see these things as frivolities that one does not need.
20. Acceptance
Acceptance is one of the marriage deal breakers that you need to consider because if your partner does not accept you for who you are and does not love you for who you are then you are going to have a hard time fitting in and being that person that they need.
Final Thoughts On Marriage Deal Breakers To Avoid
These marriage deal breakers are very important because many couples shove them aside and think that it does not matter only for it to come back and bite them. Being able to identify them will help you avoid the headache and the aftereffects that come with having a toxic relationship and marriage.
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