Ever thought of what makes a marriage successful? Have you ever wondered how couples could live together for years and you hear them celebrating wedding anniversaries of 50 years and above?
Looking out for tips for a successful marriage made me take a survey and engage in some deep thinking.
I have a question for you. Have you gone back to watch your wedding tape, particularly the moment where you recited your wedding vows? In case you have not, I have and what I discovered shook me to my bones.
I realized that I was all lovey-dovey that in my wedding vows I and my husband never talked about the quarrels we were going to have in the future, we promised to stick to each other through thick and thin but I remember in my early years of marriage I would threaten to pack my things and file for a divorce.
Watching the clips made me do some deep thinking into knowing that marriage goes beyond two naked bodies on the bed. It’s the only institution you are awarded a certificate before you go in and somehow you are uncertain of what the future holds. I’ve seen married couples live in regret and wish they were still single.
Believe me when I say marriage is hard work. I hope to be able to write my children’s wedding vows (if it’s not an infringement on their rights) so that whenever there is a misunderstanding, couples will remember certain words that were spoken.
What Makes A Marriage Successful?
There are many attributes that contribute to having a successful marriage such as; love, patience, trust, commitment, respect, tolerance, caring, honesty, attention, openness, time, generosity, being able to compromise, being able to forgive, being able to manage marriage conflicts/ crises.
How To Have A Successful Marriage
Truth be told, I honestly think there are no hard and fast rules to staying connected to your partner and having a successful marriage except that which you can cultivate and enjoy yourself. I realise there are a few tips you can utilise to make a successful marriage. Let’s take a peek.
15 Tips For A Successful Marriage
1. Learn To Apologize
Most of the time you’ve got to learn to say “Sorry.” This is especially hard for men who as children were referred to as being superior and constantly being reminded that it’s a man’s world.
I don’t mean to be hard on the men but several men I’ve sat with at counselling tables find it difficult to admit their wrongs and apologise, they would rather be on the defensive and make their partners bow to them.
When we admit when we are wrong, it projects maturity and also shows your spouse how sincere you are and it could also help build trust in marriage.
It means you are taking responsibility for your actions and you are willing to be corrected and also pick up from where you left off without pouting. This is one of the secrets of a successful marriage.
2. Choose Peace Over Being Right
The choice is yours to make, you can choose to fight to always be right or you can allow things to be and let things go so that peace can reign.
There have been times where I have been right and yet for the sake of peace in my home, I would say my husband was right and my man has done that severally too.
It doesn’t make you a fool nor does it take anything from you. It will only stretch you into being overly patient. Think of it as something you have to do to have your spouse with you.
How would you feel if you won the argument and lost your partner in the process? I’d rather lose the argument and have my man than win and lose my man completely.
Want to know what makes a marriage successful? Choose peace over being right.
3. Turn Towards Each Other
There are a lot of things that make a good marriage but I’ve discovered that the simple act of thoughtfully responding to your partner when they need you and turning towards each other is a great tips for a successful marriage.
Research has it that couples who are still together over 7 to 8 years turned towards each other most of the time in the early part of their marriage.
How about those who walked away? They did try to turn towards each other but not as those that stuck with each other through thick and thin. The times may have not been rosy but being with a partner that cares will go a long way.
In your relationship, this can look like recognizing when your partner is having a bad day or perhaps not looking good and you go ahead and ask what you can do to help or give them your full attention while they talk to you.
The more you turn towards each other, according to research, the more likely you are to stay together. So, look for any and every opportunity to make your partner a priority. If you do, happily ever after will be what will be said about your home.
4. Be Appreciative
Saying “Thank you” is powerful. It shows how thoughtful you are and how you are not willing to take your partner for granted.
You will be open to seeing new things that will keep coming to you. This helps your mind tune in to see the good that exists in your relationships. And great relationships become and stay great through small moments.
Even if you’re one of those people that doesn’t think you should thank people for stuff they’re supposed to do anyway, just try it out. If the recipient isn’t used to you expressing gratitude, your new habit may surprise and delight them.
Being appreciative is one of the best tips for a successful marriage.
5. Never Go To Bed Angry
This was one of the pieces of advice I received from my parents. It’s okay to be misunderstood and engage in some couple’s fights but refusing to let go is something that could sabotage your relationship.
My man and I made it a point of duty never to go to bed angry at each other. Where you feel hurt, express yourself and let your partner know.
6. Show Some Kindness
Most couples feel they have to go out of their way to please their partner but sometimes it’s not true as you can make do with whatever you have.
Now I don’t mean you should take your partner for granted, definitely no, but there are a few ideas you can try out. The key is to treat your spouse like he or she is special to you and if you’re looking for a great idea, may I suggest a simple act of kindness.
Can you ask them to rest while you help them carry out the house chores they hate the most? It could be sending your partner a gift, making a cup of tea or even helping them with the trolley while you are out shopping. Little acts of kindness could go a long way.
7. Prioritize Your Partner
I believe that the best investment you can make in your marriage is giving your partner time. I know we’re all busy and squeezing out time to spend with each other may not be easy but it should be done because it is necessary.
Not spending enough time with each other could lead to infidelity or even sow a seed of lack of trust in the heart of your partner.
If you’re looking for the secrets of a successful marriage, I’d suggest you prioritize your partner.
8. Break The Routine
Being creative and learning to do things differently for and with each other is also a beautiful successful marriage tips. Ever heard of work, variety is the spice of life? Married life entails being innovative and adventurous.
Surprise your spouse with something you know they will love. Just do it.
9. Be Honest
This is one tips for a successful marriage but many homes have been ruined because dishonesty crept in. Lies beget more lies and could lead to some terrible repercussions.
Lies make you come across to your partner as being dishonest, trust will be difficult and vital information will be kept away from you by your partner.
10. Manage Issues Maturely
Some issues we ignore or choose to sweep under the carpet may come back to hurt us. I’ve heard people say often that there are some issues they would rather not talk about and they pretend until they overreact someday and blow up the issue.
I once read in the daily times some years ago about a lady that stabbed her husband and end his life. Why you may ask? She suspected he was having an affair because he was always with his phone. She never confronted him or tried speaking to him.
This continued for over 3 years and one day while her husband was in the bathroom, she tiptoed into his bedroom, picked his phone and began reading through his messages and found a text message with the phrase “I love you too”.
She got angry and drove a knife into her husband’s chest while he was in the bathroom. He died almost immediately but it was later proven that the message was from his mom who got a new sim and after talking on her phone she decided to send him the message.
Shocking but true, the lady ought to have asked her man but instead took a drastic action she began regretting immediately almost after the crime. If you are jealous spill it out, if there are things you are not happy with, share them with your spouse.
Pretending about certain issues may be like feeding a monster that may grow up to taunt you.
11. Communicate
This is one of the best successful marriage tips.
We’ve all got to try harder. That means putting down the newspaper, turning off the Internet, muting the TV, turning to each other in a quiet room and just starting to talk.
Don’t just talk about the routine stuff you talk about all the time. Try to dig something out that you didn’t know. Remember when you first met, how everything was new and intriguing, how you once found everything about each other so interesting?
Now you’ve been together a long time, you probably feel you know all your spouse’s answers, so you’ve stopped asking questions. Trust me, you don’t.
Environments have a way of changing people or should I say affecting our lifestyle, the things we do, say or even how we behave. So you see why you shouldn’t conclude so early? You can try asking your partner a few couples questions:
- Ever thought of being a member of the opposite gender?
- Heads or tails, what’s your preference?
- If you happened to have so much money, what would you do?
- What if we gave birth to a quadruple?
- Love grey hairs?
You would notice that the above questions are not regular couple’s questions. These are created to make your partner think far and wide. It entails digging deep into their personality.
12. Close Your Ears, Your Eyes And Your Mouth
It sounds funny I guess but this is another piece of advice I got from my dad at my wedding reception, he called out my name and said, my child, close your ears because you are going to hear so many bad things about your union.
A lot of people will say you are not a match made in heaven and as such you will fail. Some will speak out of jealousy to make you feel bad, please close your ears he said.
Close your eyes because after now you are going to see several men that you should have been married to but it doesn’t make any difference anyway because you are taken now.
Close your mouth because you may say something awful to your spouse that will hurt him deeply. Even when there is a misunderstanding, don’t be quick to judge or defend yourself. Don’t speak about your man to anyone.
Those were my dad’s parting words to me at my wedding reception and I must say it has helped me a great deal. I have been able to build patience and grow in my marriage.
13. Be Supportive
A friend used to say and I quote: only one hand can not do the dishes, 2 hands will do it perfectly. It’s the same thing in marriage, staying connected and assisting each other is great, it will release the stress on both of you.
14. Praise your partner both in the secret and in the open.
15. Concentrate on the good side of one another.
Final Words On How To Have A Successful Marriage
Everyone has weaknesses but the strength if looked at squarely will reduce the weaknesses. Believe in your relationship and hope for better days ahead.
You may have been wondering how to have a successful marriage or what makes a marriage successful? I’m sure you know better now. Happily ever after is an achievable feat, go for it.
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